Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A Navy Admiral, a Marine General and an Army General were having some drinks at the officer’s club in a major military base. After a few rounds of iced tea, the Navy Admiral boasted, “You know, the Navy has the bravest fighting men ever to serve in the Armed Forces. I can prove it to you all.” Before the others could protest, the Admiral proceeded to phone his headquarter and asked for the best Navy Seal in his command to…
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RESTROOM SIGNS Friends don’t let friends take home ugly men —Women’s restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE Remember, it’s not, “How high are you?” it’s “Hi, how are you?” —Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit. —Men’s Room, Linda’s Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina To do is to be – Descartes To be is to do – Voltaire Do be…
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. I intend to live forever – so far, so good. Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that…
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Hank was a not-too-smart kind of guy. Every day when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by three men who would beat him up and steal his money. Finally, Hank decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a different route and then take up some self-defense classes so this wouldn’t happen again. He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well defending himself. So, one day, on the way home from work,…
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A magazine recently ran a “Dilbert quotes” contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are some of the submittals. 1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. 2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. 3. E-mail is not to be…
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President Bush is representing the United States of America on a highly formal, orchestrated state visit to England. Air Force One stops at a bright red carpet along which the President strides to join Queen Elizabeth II in a beautiful, ornate 17th-century coach hitched to 6 enormous matched white horses. The coach proceeds through the streets of London en route to Buckingham Palace, the Queen and the President waving to the cheering throngs. Then suddenly the right rear horse produces…
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An overweight business associate of mine decided it was time to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery. One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic coffeecake. We all scolded him, but his smile was cherubic. “This is a very special coffeecake,” he explained. “I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning, and there in the window was a host of goodies. I felt this…
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A man took a new job as a bus driver and was given a bus with a Sesame Street advertisement on the side. At his first stop he picked up two fat Irish women who’s names both happened to be Pattie. At his next stop he picked up a man named Ross. This man felt highly of himself and insisted that everyone call him Special Ross. At the next stop was a biker who didn’t have a name, but he…
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THE PERFECT DAY – FOR HER -8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses -8.30 Weigh in 2Kg lighter than yesterday -8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents – expensive jewelery chosen by thoughtful partner -9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil -10.00 Light work out at club with handsome funny personal trainer -10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry -12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe -12.45 Catch sight of husband/ boyfriend’s…
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Two nuns were riding home on their bikes. After taking an unusual route, one nun said, “I’ve never come this way before.” Then the other one turns to her and says, “It must have been the cobblestones.”
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