pupil of the eye

An optometrist operates on a hippie painter’s girlfriend and saves her eyesight. The hippie painter is so grateful that he goes to the doctor’s house one day, while the doctor has office hours, goes inside and paints a huge eye on an entire wall of the living room, leaving the fireplace as the pupil of the eye. He’s just finishing up when the doctor walks in.

He says to the doctor, “Well, do you like it man?”

The doctor says, “Yeah, but I’m certainly glad I’m not a gynecologist!”

A teacher was working with her pupils, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. One day she brought in rolls of lifesavers of all flavors.

“Children,” she announced, passing out the lifesavers, “I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these and then tell me what they are.” The kids managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons, and mint, but when the teacher gave them the honey-flavored lifesavers, every one of the kids was stumped.

“I’ll give you a hint,” said the teacher. “It’s something your Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time.”

Instantly, Little Johnny nearly gagged and hollered, “Spit ‘em out, guys! They’re assholes!”

The stunning blonde coed was stunned herself when her biology professor asked her, “What part of the human anatomy enlarges to about ten times its normal size during periods of emotion or excitement?”

” I… I refuse to answer that question!” she stammered as she shyly avoided looking at her classmates sitting nearby. One of them was called upon next, and he correctly answered, “The pupil of the eye.”

“Miss Rogers,” Said the professor, “Your refusal to answer my question makes three things evident:
First, you didn’t study last night’s assignment.
Second, you have a dirty mind.
And third, I’m afraid marriage is going to be a tremendous disappointment for you!”