Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
The tough businessman was feeling very ill and went to see the doctor. The doc examined him and backed away, saying, “I’m extremely sorry to tell you this, but you have an advanced case of highly infectious rabies. You must have had it for some time. It will almost certainly be fatal.” In shock, the man said, “Could you give me a pen and paper?” “Do you want to write your will?” “No, I want to make a list of…
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One day there was a lady who wanted to have her wallpaper put up. She didn’t feel like learning how, so she hired a contractor. The contractor came out for the estimate, and she told him that she wanted red in the living room. The man wrote it down and yelled out of an open window “GREEN SIDE UP!”. The lady was a bit shocked, needless to say. She thought the man was a little peculiar. The dining room was…
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Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second was an Accountant, the third was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker. To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. “T-Square, do your stuff.” T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. The Accountant said his…
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1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. 2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head. 3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial…
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A passenger on a train visited the dining car and ordered a bowl of soup. When delivered, it had a fly in it. The outraged passenger wrote to the president of the railroad, expressing his dismay and vowing never again to ride that railroad. In a few days, he received a letter from the president, apologizing profusely, vowing that this was an unprecedented occurrence and explaining the steps that had been taken to insure it never happened again. The passenger…
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A new minister in a small town spent the first four days desperately calling on the membership, begging them to come to his first services….He failed. Early the following week, he placed a notice in the local newspaper stating that, as the church was dead, it was his duty to give it a decent Christian burial. The funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon, the notice said. Morbidly curious, the whole town turned out. In front of the pulpit,…
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Part of my friend’s job as a technical writer is to help produce the company newsletter which goes to their clients. He was asked to come up with a list (ala Letterman’s Top Ten List) of funny things one can do with Thanksgiving leftovers. He applied my head-bone to the problem for an hour and we came up with this list. Seal them in concrete and call it a time capsule. Send it to the Smithsonian with instructions to open…
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Little Johnny was so rotton that his mother didn’t know what to do with him. It was getting close to his birthday and he was demanding a new bicycle. His mother told him that he had been so bad during the year that he wasn’t going to get ANYTHING. He whined and complained and stamped his feet–demanding the bike. His mother, in desperation and just trying to shut him up, said, “Why don’t you write a letter to Jesus and…
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Men, the next time you go to the public toilets, you may observe one of the following types of vistors: Excitable Type: Pants are twisted, cannot find hole, rips pants in anger. Sociable Type: Joins pals for a piss whether he wants one or not. Timid Type: Cannot pee if anyone is watching, pretends he has been and sneaks back later. Nosy Type: Peeps over partition to have a look at the other fellow’s tool. Indifferent Type: All urinals being…
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Q: What’s the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman? A: One says “Hey, you, get off of my cloud.” The other says, “Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe.” Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? A: One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with…. the other is used to carry groceries. Q: How do you recycle toilet paper? A: Hang it on the wall and bash the…
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