Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
You receive a $300 bill from your tree surgeon and you live in an apartment. The plumber tells you it would be cheaper to install a diving board than to drain the cellar. You bear a striking resemblance to this week’s prime suspect on America’s Most Wanted. The Dialing for Dollars host quizzes you about the only John Wayne film you haven’t seen. Your heart medication has been replaced with sugar pills and a note that says “April fools!” You…
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A sweet young thing took her seat on opening day of her college class. The young man behind her tapped her on the shoulder and said, “What are you doing, wearing a football jersey?” She replied, “Why, I bought it and own it, why shouldn’t I wear it?” He said, “You’re not supposed to wear it unless you’ve made the team.” “Oh,” she replied sweetly, “Who did I miss?”
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Breaking News (from the 17th Century): Michaelina Wautier Officially Declared ‘Old Master’ (Only Took a Few Hundred Years) It seems history needed a little nudge, but the verdict is finally in: Michaelina Wautier, the incredibly talented Flemish artist, has officially ascended to the ranks of ‘old masters’! ? This long-overdue declaration coincides perfectly with a new exhibition ?? opening in Vienna on Tuesday, gathering her magnificent works into one spectacular show for the very first time. Better late than never,…
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You might be a reneck if… -You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’oeuvre. -You’ve ever spraypainted your girlfriend’s name on an overpass. -You’ve ever Christmas shopped at a truck stop. -You think heaven looks alot like Daytona, Florida. -You truly think God looks like Hank Williams Jr. -You go to a stockcar race and don’t nead a program. -Someone asks to see your I.D. and you show em your belt buckle. -Directions to your house include…
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A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up tp the counter and says, “Hi..You know, I just hate drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.” The social worker behind the counter says, “Your timing is excellent! We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffer andbodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he’ll supply all of your clothes. Because of the…
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*************************************** IT IS SATURDAY, a crisp Winter’s afternoon, and you’re exactly where you should be: stretched out on the sofa in front of a televised sporting event, opening beer number two, relaxed in the knowledge that the pizza you ordered is even now on its way. Nothing could improve this moment, except maybe a bigger television. Suddenly your wife enters the room and says, “What exactly do you think you’re doing?” Is this a trick question? Yes, it is. The…
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How to Lose Weight at Work Without Doing Much Here?s the guide to calorie-burning activities and the number of calories per hour they consume. Beating around the bush. . . . . . . . .75 Jumping to conclusions . . . . . . . . 100 Climbing the walls . . . . . . . . . . 150 Swallowing your pride. . . . . . . . . .50 Passing the buck . . .…
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Two days after her daughter Mary’s marriage to Tom, Mrs. Robinson decided to pay Mary a visit to see how the newly-weds were doing. When she knocked on the door to Mary’s apartment unit, Mrs. Robinson was so shocked to see her daughter opening the door in her birthday suit that she demanded, “What are you doing walking around the house naked, Mary?” Mary replied, “Oh Mom! This is my LOVE dress. This drives Tom crazy with desire!” “Well, I…
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When I came into the office this morning, I noticed a sort of general feeling of unfriendliness, and since several of you have called me a “dirty son of a bitch” to my face, I knew I must have done something wrong at the office New Year’s Party. The Office Manager called me from the hospital today, and as this is my last day on the job, I’d like to take this way of apologizing to all of you. I…
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A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. “Hurry!” she said, “stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. “Don’t move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.” “What’s this, honey?” the husband inquired as he entered the room. “Oh, it’s just a statue,” she replied nonchalantly. “The Smiths bought one for their bedroom.…
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