Oo ooo Jokes

Ooops

Saturday morning, Phil arrives at the club for a golf date when he remembers that he forgot to let his wife know that Sears is delivering the new couch around noon. He picks up the phone in the lounge and calls home. “Hello”, says a little girl’s voice. “Hi, honey, it’s Daddy. Can I speak to Mommy please.” “No, Daddy, she’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Ted. This stops Phil for a moment. “Sweetie, you don’t have an Uncle…

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wooohoooo!

A woman got home from work one-day and said “Honey pack your things I won the lottery”, the husband said “Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?” She said “I dont care just get the hell out!

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Ooops! Sorry, My Mistake

A middle aged woman is on the operating table for bypass surgery when she has a near-death experience. She is floating above the room and sees God. “Excuse me, God,” she says, “Is this the end?” “Oh no, my dear,” says God. “You have another forty years to live.” When she recovers, she decides to remain in the hospital for a complete makeover, knowing she’s going to be around for another forty years. She gets a face-lift, liposuction, tummy tuck,…

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Yo mama sooooo FAT

Yo mama so fat, her cereal boal comes with a lifeguard. Yo mama so fat, her picture takes two frames. Yo mama so fat, when she was diagnosed with a flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 10 years! Yo mama so fat, whether she lays down or stands up her height is the same! Yo mama so fat, when she hauls ass she needs volunteers! Yo mama so fat, if ya yell “KOOL AID” she comes crashing through the…

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YAAA-HOOOOO!

A pretty girl is driving through the West when her car runs out of gas. Along comes an Indian and gives her a ride to a gas station. Every few minutes he lets out a wild whoop that would curdle milk. Finally, he drops her off with a final “Yaaaa-Hooooo!” and gallops off. “My God!” says the gas station attendant, “What the hell were you doing to make him holler like that?” “Why, nothing,” says the girl, “I just sat…

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Baby, I’m Sooooooo Hot

Wife: Oh, Baby, I’m soooooooo hot. Husband: Go to sleep, Honey, I have to get up early. Wife: It won’t take long. Husband: It’ll wake me up. I won’t be able to sleep afterwards. Wife: I won’t sleep without it. Husband: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night? Wife: Because I’m hot, Sweetie. Husband: Geez, you get hot at the darndest times. Wife: If you loved me, I wouldn’t have to beg. Husband:…

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OOOPSIE!

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. “Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a VERY sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?” “Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. “Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as…

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