Old joe Jokes

Joe & John

Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat. It so happened that John’s wife died the same day that Joe’s boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John. She said, “I am sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible.” Joe, thinking that she was talking about the boat, said, “Heck no, in fact, I’m sort of glad to…

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Farmer Joe

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,’” said the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, “Well I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the…” “I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question. Did…

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my friend joe

It was the year for Jack’s class reunion, and he thought he would go to see his old friend Joe. He thought that Joe would be there so he would go, too. When Jack got there, he was looking around for Joe. He could see everybody else, but not Joe. But he did see a really beautiful woman that he didn’t know. He thought he might go over and talk to her. When he got near the woman, she said,”Jack…

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The Old Dilapidated Boat

Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it. He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening. Unbeknownst to him, his brother John’s wife had died suddenly in his absence. When he…

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Joe Shitz

There was this guy named Joe Shitz. He lived his whole life with this peculiar name, and he finally decided to have it legally changed. He told his friend “I was tired of everyone making fun of my name. I decided to finally do something about it.” His friend asked “So what did you change your name to?” He replied “I changed it to Melvin Shitz. I was tired of everone saying “What d’ya know, Joe.”

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Taking it with you

This old guy named Joe invested in Microsoft stock in the early eighties and just died a wealthy man. He had no family, so his business associates were at the reading of his will, where it was learned that the old man wanted to be buried with most of his money. His banker, pastor, and lawyer were each given envelopes with $500,000 cash with the instructions to deposit the money in the casket at the funeral. Three days later at…

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Expensive Martinis

Old Joe walked into a bar and began ordering martini after martini. After each drink, he removed the olives and placed them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks were consumed, Joe got up to leave. “S’cuse me,” said the bartender. “What was that all about?” “Nothing,” answered Joe. “My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives.”

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Suspended Pride Leader Ordered to Unlock Bank Accounts AND Social Media, Apparently Forgot How to Share

Suspended Pride Leader Ordered to Unlock Bank Accounts AND Social Media, Apparently Forgot How to Share! ? Well, this is a bit awkward. A top figure at London’s Pride parade, who is currently fending off accusations of using the organization’s cash like his personal piggy bank, just got a stern order from the high court. ???? He’s been told to relinquish control of everything: Bank accounts (naturally, for obvious reasons) Social media passwords (because who needs separate lives for their…

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Free Advice from Kids

1. Never trust a dog to watch your food. – Patrick, age 10 2. When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” don’t answer him. – Michael, 14 3. Never tell your mom her diet’s not working. – Michael, 14 4. Stay away from prunes. – Randy, 9 5. Never pee on an electric fence. – Robert, 13 6. Don’t squat with your spurs on. – Noronha, 13 7. Don’t pull dad’s finger when he tells…

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Let Work Be Your Salvation

When Joe’s wife left him, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, “Life just isn’t worth living anymore.” “Don’t be stupid, Joe,” said the psychiatrist. “Let your work be your salvation. I want you to totally submerge yourself in your work. Now, what do you do for a living?” “I clean out septic tanks,” Joe replied.

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