Old fellow Jokes

Poor Old Man

A 90 year old man married a very young woman. Upon staying for 6 months together the wife of this old man conceived. The old man asked his doctor, “How this could have happened?” The doctor then said, “Look here, let me tell you a story.” An absent minded hunter went in the forest hunting; but instead of carrying a gun the fellow carried an umbrella. He saw a lion running straight at him. The hunter picked up his umbrella…

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Read JokePoor Old Man

Try the old ’standby’ excuse

It’s a beautiful warm spring day and Paula & I are at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As we walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes crazy! He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He’s obviously excited, looking at Paula in the sexy dress. Of course,…

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Read JokeTry the old ’standby’ excuse

A Trip to the Golden Arches

A German tourist walks into a McDonald’s in New York City and orders a beer. The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him a verbal jab, “They don’t serve beer here!” The German fellow felt embarrassed, however he turned to the New Yorker with a surprised look on his face and begins to chuckle. “And what’s so funny?” the New Yorker demands. “Oh, nothing really, I just realized how dumb you are. You came here for the…

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Read JokeA Trip to the Golden Arches

Ready for more

An 85 year old man marries a lovely 25 year old woman. Because her new husband is so old the woman decides that on their wedding night they should have separate suites. She is concerned that the old fellow could overexert himself. After the festivities she prepares herself for bed and for the knock on the door she is expecting. Sure enough the knock comes and there is her groom ready for action. They unite in conjugal union and all…

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Read JokeReady for more

Car Crash Incident

One poor old fellow is driving along one day and has a really bad car accident… he wakes up in hospital and can only see out of one eye… the doctor looks at him and say “I’m sorry, but we had to replace one of your eyes… with a rounded piece of rimu tree” So when he gets out of hospital his mate comes round and tries to cheer him up by taking him to the bar. When they get…

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Read JokeCar Crash Incident

Wrong House

An old fellow was snoozing away, contentedly, when he was startled awake by the doorbell. He staggered off the couch to make his way to the door. There stood a gorgeous young woman. “Oh, my goodness,” the pretty young thing exclaimed. “I’m at the wrong house.” “Sweetheart, you’re at the right house, the old guy assured her. “But you’re forty years too late!”

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Read JokeWrong House

Read what you write

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words possible. Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions. I thought the window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it. I collided with a stationary truck coming…

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Read JokeRead what you write

Stupid Car Accident Excuses

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions. I thought my window was down, but found out it was up when I put my hand through it. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. The guy was all…

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Read JokeStupid Car Accident Excuses

A very dumb kid! Or is he?

A businessman was talking with his barber, when they both noticed a goofy-looking fellow bouncing down the sidewalk. The barber whispered, “That’s Tommy, one of the stupidest kids you’ll ever meet. Here, I’ll show you.” “Hey Tommy! Come here!” yelled the barber. Tommy came bouncing over. “Hi Mr. Williams!” The barber pulled out a rusty dime and a shiny quarter and told Tommy he could keep the one of his choice. Tommy looked long and hard at the dime and…

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Read JokeA very dumb kid! Or is he?

Concealment Doesn’t Count

It’s more than obvious: The high technology of the information age isn’t for everyone. Consider the man standing by the office fax machine and scratching his head when a co-worker walks by. “Do you know anything about this fax machine?” the puzzled fellow asks. “A little. What’s wrong?” “Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened.” “How did you load…

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Read JokeConcealment Doesn’t Count