Old clothes Jokes - page 2

WELFARE OFFICE

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up tp the counter and says, “Hi..You know, I just hate drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.” The social worker behind the counter says, “Your timing is excellent! We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffer andbodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he’ll supply all of your clothes. Because of the…

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75 Things NEVER To Say To A Man With A Small Penis

1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it’s cute. 3. Stop fingering me. 4. I’m sorry. 5. Who circumcised you? 6. Why don’t we just cuddle? 7. You know they have surgery to fix that. 8. It’s more fun to look at. 9. Make it dance. 10. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that. 11. Can I paint a smiley face on that? 12. It looks like a nightcrawler. 13. Wow, and your feet are so…

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58 things a Woman should never say to a Man

1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it’s cute. 3. Who circumcised you? 4. Why don’t we just cuddle? 5. You know they have surgery to fix that. 6. It’s more fun to look at. 7. Make it dance. 8. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that. 9. Can I paint a smiley face on that? 10. It looks like a nightcrawler. 11. Wow, and your feet are so big. 12. My last boyfriend was 4″…

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THE BRA

A couple of old fraternity brothers, Skip and Chip, now in their 40’s, would meet after work every week at their country club for a tennis game while their wives, Babs and Poopsy, played golf. On this particular day, the boys were in the locker room changing out of their business suits into their tennis clothes when Skip removed his shirt. Chip noticed that Skip was wearing a brassiere. “Ahhh, Skip”, said Chip, “if you tell me it’s none of…

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Three Men in an Airplane

Three men are on an airplane, flying over the ocean. The aircraft is in trouble, and the captain soon comes on over the intercom and says, “Folks, we’re having some serious problems here. I want everyone to assume crash position.” The first guy, after hearing this, he stands up and starts taking off all his clothes. His two friends see this, and say, “Hey! What are you doing that for?” and the man replies, “I’m not a very good swimmer,…

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The New Titanic script

(Scene 1) KATE WINSLET: My, this is a fancy boat, isn’t it? KATE’S WEASELLY FIANCE: Yes, it certainly is. Here is the art you asked for. It is by an artist named “Picasso.” I am certain he will amount to nothing. KATE: Ha ha ha. That is very funny to our 90’s audience, because they know these priceless paintings will sink with the boat. LEONARDO DiCAPRIO: Hello, I’m Leonardo DiCaprio. Perhaps you have seen the many Internet sites dedicated to…

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Come join the party Father Celestain

(this joke is written and told by a true COON-ASS so if you can spoke like a true CAJUN you guna like dis one real good. (DONT WORRY ABOUT THE SPELLING!!!) ONE TIME, FATHER THIBODEAUX WAS JUST ABOUT TO GIVE HIS TALK AT HIS CHURCH. HIS CHURCH IS USUALLY FULL, HOWEVER, DIS TIME, THERE WAS ONLY TWO OLD WOMEN IN THE PEWS. FATHER THIBODEAUX TOLD THE TWO OLD LADIES TO HOLD ON, HE WAS COMING RIGHT BACK. FATHER THIBODEAUX WENT…

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50 Fun Things to Do in a Mall

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the fountain. 2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big. 3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack. 4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents. 5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream ‘MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!’ 6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD…

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Bingo!

There is this young attractive married woman who wants expensive jewelry, designer clothes and fast cars but her husband is not so well off. One day, she comes home late wearing a gold necklace. Her husband, who has been waiting for her, asks, “Where did you get that necklace.” The woman says, “I won it at the bingo.” Three days later, the woman again comes home late wearing a mink coat. Her husband asks, “Where did you get that mink…

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Golfer’s Distraction

Two friends had arranged a round of golf and were now on the first tee, preparing to start their game at 7 a.m. Just as the first golfer was half way up his back swing, a good-looking young lady ran across the course about 10 yards in front of him, peeling off her clothes as she went, until she was totally naked. As she disappeared into the woods, he turned, dazed, to his companion, “What was THAT about?!!!” “Take no…

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