Oh mother Jokes

Little Johnny was getting ready for his bath one night, when he asked his mom if he could take a shower like the grown-ups do. “Alright,” his mom said, “but I’ve got to take it with you, cause you’re too little.” In the shower, Little Johnny pointed to his mother’s chest and said,”What are those, mommy?” “These are my headlights, Johnny.” “Then what is that?” he said pointing down there. “That’s the grass,” said his mother. Johnny thought nothing of…

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Little 14 year old Johnny was in his room masturbating. Suddenly, his Mother opened the door and caught him. Thinking fast, she told him that he shouldn’t be doing that, he should save it for when he gets married. Twelve years later, Johnny fell in love and got married. At his reception, he pulled his Mother aside and asked her if she remembered what she had told him when she caught him masturbating. She said yes, she did. Hearing this,…

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Ten year old lil’ Johnnie rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, “Put that away, Johnnie. You can’t have ice cream now. It’s too close to supper time. Go outside and play.” Johnnie whimpers and says, “There’s no one to play with.” Trying to placate him, she says, “OK. I’ll play with you. What do you want to play?” “I wanna play…

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A traveling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year old Little Johnny answers holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, “Little boy, is your mother home?” Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, “What the hell do you think?”

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Johnny was in class and the teacher asked, “What’s 2+2?” Johnny raised his hand and said, “That would be motherfuckin’ 4.” The teacher said, “Johnny you can’t use that kind of language in class!” and Johnny said, “Why motherfuckin’ not?” The teacher call Johnny’s parents that evening and asked them to come to school to discuss this matter. The next day Johnny’s parents came to school and the teacher told them about Johnny’s behavior and that everytime she calls on…

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Little Johnny’s next door neighbors had recently had a baby. Due to complications, the baby was born without ears. Little Johnny’s parents decided to go and see the new baby one day. Johnny’s father explained to him about the baby and told Johnny not to make the slightest hint about the baby’s ears. Johnny agreed and said that he would be on his best behavior and say nothing about the baby’s ears. Johnny and his family went to the baby’s…

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One day, Little Johnny was home from school earlier than usual. Without a word, he handed his mother a note from the school principal. In the note, the principal wrote, “We are sending Johnny home early to prevent disrupting the class. Please educate him on the difference between male and female.” After reading the note, Little Johnny’s mother took him silently to her bedroom upstairs. When they were in the bedroom, Little Johnny’s mother said to him, “Little Johnny, take…

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Little Johnny was walking past his mother’s bedroom one day. He looked in. She was rubbing her chest, and saying, “I need a man, I need a man.” The next day, Johnny walked by his mother’s room again, and again, she was rubbing her chest and saying, “I need a man, I need a man.” The day after that, Johnny walked by his mother’s room, and she was in there with a man! Excitedly, Johnny ran to his room, started…

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