Nurses Jokes

BLONDE NURSES’ HANDBOOK #2

Anesthesia…Movie about crazy Russian girl Aorta…Responsibility, as in “Aorta empty that bedpan” Atrophy…Bowling team award Blue Baby…Newborn Smurf Caplet…Beanie Coccyx…More than one dick Colon…Punctuation mark Coma….Ditto Diarrhea…Little book of personal thoughts Eroded Disc…Worn out LP Fibula…Little white lie Fractures…One half, one third…numbers like that Hyperextension…Extra-long telephone cord Lobotomy…Getting your ears pierced Medicine…Invented lightbulb Shingles…Those thingys on roof Spinal Tap…Rock band or dance step Sternum…Canned heat for camping Tongue Depressor…Makes tongue sad X-rayed…Porno movie

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Read JokeBLONDE NURSES’ HANDBOOK #2

Patient Fall

I recently received an accident report from a nurse about an elderly man who had fallen from bed during the night (true account). The incident description was as follows: “Heard a noise from the side ward and on investigation found Mr.N had fallen out of bed. There were no obvious injuries and he was able to get back into bed with two nurses.”

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Ailing Grandpa

A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. “How are you, Grandpa?” he asks. “Feeling fine,” says the old man. “What’s the food like?” “Terrific, wonderful menus.” “And the nursing?” “Just couldn’t be better. These young nurses really take good care of me.” “What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?” “No problem at all, nine hours solid every night. At 10 o’clock, they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet . . .…

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Read JokeAiling Grandpa

Everybody Does It!

ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures. ACTORS do it on cue. ADVERTISERS use the “new, improved” method. AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker. ARCHAEOLOGISTS like it old. ARCHITECTS have great plans. ARTISTS are exhibitionists. ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over. ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus. ATTORNEYS make better motions. AUDITORS like to examine figures. BABYSITTERS charge by the hour. BAILIFFS always come to order. BAKERS knead it daily. BAND MEMBERS play all night. BANKERS do it with interest – penalty for…

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Read JokeEverybody Does It!

How to Tell if Your Grandpa Listens to Too Much Rap Music

How to Tell if Your Grandpa Listens to Too Much Rap Music: ?1998 Larry Weaver 1. Refers to his Craftmatic Adjustable bed as a hoopty, and wants hydraulics installed. 2. Gets his dentures capped in gold. 3. Insists that Martha Raye is “bout it, bout it.” 4. Gets excited when his pacemaker beeps because he thinks a ho is paging him. 5. Has “Fubu” crocheted into his sweater. 6. Calls his childhood “the hard knock life,” and begin stories with…

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Read JokeHow to Tell if Your Grandpa Listens to Too Much Rap Music

One Night in a Hotel

Once there was a bellhop named Joe. and one day, three newlywed couples came to stay for a while. The first couple walked in, and Joe noticed that the wife was a nurse. He thought, “Wow, what a lucky guy. Nurses are supposed to be really pretty. I think I’ll stay up late and eavesdrop on their room.” Then the next couple came in, and Joe noticed the wife was a telephone operator. He thought, “Wow, what a lucky guy.…

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The Nursing Home

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again…

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Read JokeThe Nursing Home

A Royal Pain in the …

A big-shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. Se came into his room and announced, “I have to take your temperature.” After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down,…

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Newspaper Clip

(This is a true story from the newspaper The Cape Times, South Africa) “For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a patient dead in the same bed every Friday morning,” a spokeswoman for the Pelonomi Hospital (Free State, South Africa) told reporters. “There was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and extensive checks on the air condidtioning system, and search for possible bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues. However, further inquiries have now revealed…

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Read JokeNewspaper Clip