Nat pat Jokes - page 2

This appeared in a local Sunday magazine recently. For those unfamiliar with the Star Wars saga, James Earl Jones was the voice of that great villain Darth Vader. But those Star Wars fans will surely appreciate this fanciful article : Supposedly James Earl Jones is Vassar College’s Commencement speaker for this year. Oddly, this event coincides with the release of the much awaited “Phantom Menace” and the unexpected popularity of Baz Luhrmann’s “Sunscreen Song” (which, if you haven’t had your…

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I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it as a random thing until our busboy came with water & tableware; he, too, sported a spoon in his breast-pocket. I looked around the room, and all the waiters, waitresses, busboys, etc., had spoons in their pockets. When our waiter returned to take our…

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Bill: “There are a few issues we need to discuss.” Contractor: “Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free for the first 90 days and $75 a call thereafter. Okay?” Bill: “Uh, yeah… the first issue is the living room. We think it’s a little smaller than we anticipated.” Contractor: “Yeah. Some compromises were made to have it out by the release date.” Bill: “We won’t be able to fit all our furniture in there.” Contractor: “Well, you…

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One day, at the 45th National Bank, a frog hopped inside and sat at the loan info chair. The lady on the job asked, “How may I help you?”, feeling dumb for talking to a frog. The frog replied, “Ribbit ribbit, loan, 5 dollars.” The lady asked the frog for colateral, and he spit a wooden bird, no taller then 2cm on the table. Wiping it off, the lady replied, “Mr. frog, my name is Patricia Black. I will be…

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This man walks into the patent office, places an apple on the desk and says, “I want to patent this apple.” The patent officer informs him that he can’t get a patent on an apple. The gent says, “Taste it.” The officer tastes it and with mild surprise states, “It tastes like an orange. Unfortunately, it still can’t be patented.” Not willing to give up yet, the man asks him to turn it around and taste the other side. The…

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1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the fountain. 2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big. 3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack. 4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents. 5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream ‘MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!’ 6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD…

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