Naked standing Jokes

50th Wedding Anniversary

There was this old couple getting ready to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. The old man went out shopping to find a really nice present for his wife. When he returned home, he found his wife standing on her head naked. For the life of him, he could not figure out what in the hell she was doing , so he asked,”Honey…what in God’s name are you doing naked ,standing on your head??” “Well dear,” she replied, “it is our…

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Snow White & The Dwarfs

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs were roaming in the forest when they came across a lake. The water was enticing and Snow White decided to take a bath, so she told the Dwarfs to turn around while she was undressing to take the bath. The dwarfs protested vehemently, so she relented and said that when they heard the splash, they could turn around. Snow White undressed and as she was about to jump into water, she was startled by…

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The General and the Flag

This American general was invited to Ireland to review the Irish troops. His plane landed at the Dublin airport, and the general stepped off the plane. To his surprise, there stood the Irish troops along side the runway. All of them “Buck Naked”. The general said, “A bit unusual, but carry on”. The general stepped in front of the first soldier for inspection. A fine figure of a soldier: 6’6″ tall, 200 lbs, wide shoulders, narrow waist, hair all over…

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human emotion party

A man decides that he is going to have a party and invite everyone he knows and tells them to bring friends. On the invitation he puts “theme party — come as a human emotion”. On the night of the party the first guest arrives and he opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters n and v on his chest. He says, “That’s a great costume, what emotion have you come as?” The…

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Seminars for Males & Females

SEMINARS FOR MALES (prepared and presented by females) 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut 4. How to Fill an Ice Tray 5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money 6. Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am 7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly titled “Don’t Wash my Silks”) 8. Parenting: No, It Doesn’t End With Conception 9. Get a Life: Learn…

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Gay Head

For those of you who don’t know, Gay Head is the name of a small town on Martha’s Vineyard, now renamed to Aquinna (I can’t imagine why they renamed it). It is known for its fabulous beach and stunning red cliffs overlooking the beach. On my recent vacation, I decided to go there for the day. Feeling a little brave, I decided to head for the Northwest end of the beach. This is where bathing suits are optional. As I…

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Telemarketing experiences…

As an ex-telemarketer, a couple of incidents happened to me… Let me share them with ya! Me: Hi, may I speak to Mr. Jones? Mr: Speaking. Me: This is Susan calling from Mutual Medical Insurance. Mr: Am I insured with you? Me: No, but we’re calling to offer you a medical plan, which will take care of almost all your medical expences. Mr: I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. Me: We’re calling to offer you a medical plan, which will…

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A Scene from Baywatch

An old guy comes home in the middle of the day and finds his young blonde wife standing in the middle of their deluxe apartment wearing a red G-string and 7 inch steel heels, and the whole apartment is flooded. “What happened here?” he asks. “I think the waterbed’s busted,” says the trembling wife. Just then a naked guy floats by. “Who’s that?” demands the husband. “I dunno. Must be a lifeguard.”

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Stuck

A man and his wife are driving down a deserted road while on vacation. In the deepening gloom, the man fails to see a deer in the road until the last second. In a panic he swerves and drives off the road, down an embankment and into a tree. Now, the collision was so bad that the couples clothes were shredded and they were left essentially naked. The husband was trapped in the wreckage but the wife managed to free…

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The First night…

This guy and his newlywed wife go off to a fancy hotel to celebrate their first night of marriage. Both of them had been saving themselves for this night and both were very anxious to, you could say, get everything underway. They strip down naked and are about to start getting kinky when the husband takes a look at his wife and says, “That’s quite a fair sized butt you got there!!” His wife starts screaming at him and going…

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