muscles

So this man was helping his best friend move to a new house. He groaned as he helped a large couch. “Look,” his friend said helpfully, “at least you are developing your muscles.”

“Yeah,” replied the friend, wryly, “either that or a hernia.”

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee. The first woman tells her friends.

“My son is a Priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father.”

The second woman chirps,

“My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room people call him your Grace.”

The third crone says,

“My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say your Eminence.”

The fourth woman continued sipping her coffee in silence, so the first three women give her a subtle “Well..?”

She replies,

“My son is a gorgeous, 6ft2, hard-bodied stripper who has muscles like a horse.”

“When he walks into a room, people say, “Oh My God!”

When you’re having a bad day and people seem thoughtless or inconsiderate, remember………..

It takes 42 muscles to frown,

but only 4 to extend your middle finger

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses.

No one in Greece has memorized all 158 verses.

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

The average secretary’s left hand does 56% of the typing.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Two-thirds of the world’s eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is “screeched.”

On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament Building is an American flag.

All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.

“Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”.

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill. (yes, they are on one side of the monument)

Almonds are members of the peach family.

Winston Churchill was born in a Ladies’ Room during a dance.

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

There are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

Los Angeles’s full name is “El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula”. And can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, “L.A.”

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

The only real person to be a Pez head was Betsy Ross.

When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home, the stadium becomes the state’s third largest city.

The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra’s “Its A Wonderful Life”

A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

On an American one-dollar bill, there is an owl in the upper left-hand corner of the “1″ encased in the “shield” and a spider hidden in the front upper right-hand corner.(found the owl, not the spider)

It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

Who’s that playing the piano on the “Mad About You” theme? Paul Reiser himself.

In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

The name for Oz in the “Wizard of Oz” was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence “Oz.”

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.

John Lennon’s first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.

The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

‘Stewardesses’ is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

This American general was invited to Ireland to review the Irish troops. His plane landed at the Dublin airport, and the general stepped off the plane. To his surprise, there stood the Irish troops along side the runway. All of them “Buck Naked”. The general said, “A bit unusual, but carry on”.

The general stepped in front of the first soldier for inspection. A fine figure of a soldier: 6′6″ tall, 200 lbs, wide shoulders, narrow waist, hair all over his chest.
The general took his riding crop and smacked the soldier across the face! The general said, “Did that hurt soldier?” and the soldier replied, “No, sir!” and the general said “Why not?” To which the soldier replied, “Because I’m an Irishman, sir!”

“Very good,” said the general, as he moved to the next soldier.

The second soldier looked like a twin of the first: 6′6″, broad shoulders, narrow waist, hair all over his chest, muscles all over. The general reached over and grabbed a handful of chest hair, and just ripped it out. He said, “Did that hurt soldier?” To which the soldier replied, “No sir!” The general said, “Why not?” The soldier replied, “Because I’M AN IRISHMAN SIR!”

“Very good,” said the general as he moved to the third soldier in line.

He looked just like the other two: 6′6″, 200 lbs of muscle, hair all over his chest. The general was looking up and down at the soldier and saw the “Irish Flag” standing tall. The general does a double take, looking down. He takes his crop and SMACKS the FLAG Pole right on its head, saying, “Did that hurt, soldier?” To which came the reply “No, SIR!”
The general said, “WHY NOT?!!!”

The soldier replied, “BECAUSE IT BELONGS TO THE MAN BEHIND ME, SIR!”