Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
I can’t come in to work today because I’ll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK? When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-lax in addition to my Prozac. I can’t get off the john, but I feel good about it. I can’t come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation. If it…
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One Sunday an elderly man tells his wife he is going to apply for Social Security. She tells him, “You can’t apply for benefits when you don’t even have a Social Security card!” He simply says, “Watch me.” Monday morning he dresses and off to the Social Security office he goes. When he returns, he says, “Well, I got it!” She asks, “How in the world did you get Social Security?” “I just opened up my shirt and showed them…
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Three buddies from the plant take their wives to Las Vegas for a week’s vacation. The guys take in all the strip shows while the wives play in the casinos, and they all have a wonderful time. When they get home, the guys meet in the plant cafeteria for coffee on Monday morning. Jack says “I been up all night. Brenda kept yelling ‘7 come 11’ in her sleep.” “Same here” says Bob. “Nancy was dreaming about blackjack and kept…
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Bill Clinton arrived Friday in the Virgin Islands to deliver a speech. That’s not all he delivered. After he left Monday morning, the government had to change the name of the place.
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This actually IS true. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it! Only in South Carolina!! Bitter sweet revenge. It’s about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them…
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At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They did so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an “A” so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there. They had a great time-however, after all the hardy-partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to Duke…
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Then there was the dumb blonde who was sitting at her desk one Monday morning weeping her eyes out. Her office mate came over and ask what she was crying about. The blonde said that she was sad because her boyfriend was working on his car over the weekend and the jack broke and cut his finger off. The office mate then asked, “The whole finger?” At which the blonde answered, “No, the one next to it!”
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In a very crowded bus, one busy Monday morning, a passenger unable to resist an urge releases it silently, but the smell gets so bad that the people in the bus had to get out. The passengers, who were very annoyed asked the driver to send off the person responsible for the stinking act, but they were unable to point out who it was since everybody was accusing somebody. The accusations became very unorganised and the commotion attracted a big…
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ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION: Procreation without recreation. BOOKCASE: A piece of furniture used in America to house bowling trophies and Elvis collectibles. BULIMIA: Retched excess. CHIC: Considered smart without the deadening implication of intelligence. CLIQUE: A group of insiders who greet outsiders with their backsides; a closed circle of asses. CONSULTANT: A jobless person who shows executives how to work. DENTURES: Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one’s grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music. DNA:…
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This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. This program is known as “Millennium Year Application Software System” (MYASS). Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a…
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