Match Jokes

Blondes and Matches

Once there was a blonde with a pack of matches, she took one match it didn’t light so she threw it away. She took a second match it didn’t light so she threw that away too. She took a third match, it lit, she blew it out and put it in her pocket and said, “This one is good I better keep it.”

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The Wrestling Match

Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler’s trainer came to him and said, “Now don’t forget all the research we’ve done on this Russian. He’s never lost a match because of this “pretzel” hold he has. Whatever you do, don’t let him get you in this hold! If he does, you’re finished!” The wrestler nodded in…

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Jail Time? Pffft, This Political Movement Sees It as a Mere Pit Stop on the Road to 2026

Jail Time? Pffft, This Political Movement Sees It as a Mere Pit Stop on the Road to 2026. ? It seems that even the threat of incarceration is no match for the sheer determination (or perhaps stubbornness?) of this political dynasty. Remember when a certain politician boldly predicted his possible fates as ‘going to jail, being killed or victory’? ? Well, it appears the ‘going to jail’ option is just a minor plot twist in this epic political saga! With…

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Read JokeJail Time? Pffft, This Political Movement Sees It as a Mere Pit Stop on the Road to 2026

The Cross-Examination

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial — it went like this: Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer who responded to the scene. Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A: Yes sir,…

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Reasons To Love Men

Reasons to Love Men 1. They’ve got that comfortable place on their shoulder that’s perfect for snuggling into while we fall asleep. 2. They’re at peace with their bodies, except for maybe some minor anxiety over height, weight, and baldness. 3. They’re enthusiastic about our bodies, even when we’re not. 4. They’re beyond enthusiastic about sex. 5. They fall in love so hard, once they finally fall. 6. Chest hair, forearm hair and the feel of a newly shaved cheek.…

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Cardinal vs Rabbi

The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. “Your Holiness”, said one of his Cardinals, Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths.” The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand. “Don’t we have a Cardinal to represent me?” he asked. “None that…

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You Won’t Believe It

Pick a number between 1 and 10. (Remember the number) Double it. Add 8 to the new number. Divide that total by 2. Subtract your original number. You should now have a number between 1 and 8. Match that number with its corresponding letter: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 A B C D E F G H Now take that letter and think of any country in the world that begins with that letter. Take the second…

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Who’s the Moron?

One day a man named Olaf walks into the office of a headhunter and says, “I WON A DOB!” The headhunter looks up over the top of his glasses and says, “Excuse me?” Once again the man says, “I WON A DOB!” “Oh,” the headhunter says. “You want a job, I see…what is it you do?” The man says, “I’m a Diesel Fitter.” With this the headhunter turns on his laptop and types vigorously to search his computer files in…

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so damn dumb

yo momma so damn dumb she lit a match to see if she blew out all the candles on her birthday cake. yo momma so damn dumb she tried to change the channel on a T.V. dinner. yo momma so damn dumb she thought the Last Supper was when Jesus ran out of food stamps.

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First-Time Altar Boy

There was a young boy just learning to be an altar boy, and he was very nervous. On his first Sunday, there was a special service, and the Priest explained to him that when he said, “And the Angels lit the candles,” the alter boy was to come out and light the candles. Sunday morning came, and the service was going along just fine until it came to the part where the Priest said, “And the Angels lit the candles.”…

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