Lobsters Jokes

Scuba Diving

The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door. “We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.” “Well, tell me!” the man said. The policeman said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?” Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the…

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Speaking Southern

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes The South has ‘mater samiches The North has coffeehouses The South has Waffle Houses The North has dating services The South has family reunions The North has switchblade knives The South has Lee Press-on Nails The North has double last names The South has double first names The North has Ted Kennedy The South has Jesse Helms The North has an ambulance The South has an amblance The North has the Mafia, The South has…

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Illegal Lobster Fishing

After a day of fishing in the ocean, a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden, who asks him for his fishing license. The fisherman says to the warden, “I did not catch these lobsters. They are my pets. Everyday I come down to the water and whistle, and these lobsters jump out, and I take them for a walk, only to return for them at the end…

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