Lib Jokes

Before Women’s Lib

“Grandma, when you and Grandpa had your first baby, did Grandpa ever handle the middle-of-the-night feedings?” “No. I always did that.” “That must have been before Women’s Liberation.” “No, it was before we had baby bottles.”

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Library Complaint

Judi stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, “I have a complaint!” “Yes, Ma’am?” “I borrowed a book last week, and it was horrible!” “What was wrong with it?” “It had way too many characters, and there was no plot whatsoever!” The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book!”

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A TRUE Liberace story

In the 1960s, pianist LIBERACE would travel the USA, performing one-man concerts, to sell-out crowds. During one particular tour, after playing all his planned selections and taking curtain call after curtain call (to thunderous applause), he held up his hands to quiet the masses (as was his custom) and said to the audience, “Is there anything SPECIAL you would like me to perform?” A disgruntled taxpayer in the crowd shouted out, “How about our MAYOR’S AUTOPSY?”

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His Alibi

“Armstrong,” the boss said, “I happen to know that the reason you didn’t come to work yesterday and that was because you were out playing golf.” “That’s a rotten lie!” Armstrong protested. “And I have the fish to prove it!”

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Her Alibi

Debbie wasn’t home, and it was getting awfully late. Not knowing any of her girlfriend’s phone numbers, her Mother fired up Debbie’s computer and saw a list of e-mail addresses. She sent a note to each name asking if they knew where her daughter was. Within twenty minutes, she got back 16 replies, all saying that she wasn’t to worry, that Debbie was spending the night at HER house and was sorry she had neglected to telephone.

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Canada’s ‘Turbocharge’ Economy Plan: Powered by Nuclear, Mines, and the Strategic Avoidance of Oil Pipelines

Canada’s Liberal government has revealed its master plan to ‘turbocharge’ the nation’s economy – and apparently, that means strapping a nuclear reactor, a bunch of critical mineral mines, and an LNG facility to it! ? This ambitious first wave of national projects aims to propel Canada forward while simultaneously fending off a pesky trade war with the United States. ? Curiously, the unveiled list conspicuously avoids any mention of new oil pipelines, projects that have proven more divisive than a…

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Last Night’s Party

This thoroughly modern young couple, more than slightly hung over from last night’s party, were having a mid-afternoon breakfast. What a party that had been! A real swinging affair, no holds barred. “Darling,” said the husband, “this is … er … slightly embarrassing, but I think I should ask. Was it YOU I made love to in the library last night?” His wife looked thoughtful for a minute and then said, “About what time?”

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Japanese Student in America

It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher greeted the class and said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said, “Give me Liberty, or give me death?” She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who had his hand up, “Patrick Henry, 1775,” said the boy. “Now,” said the teacher, “Who said ‘Government of the people, by the…

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