Kitchen light Jokes

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating.” On Tesco’s Tirimisu Dessert: “Do not turn upside down.” (Printed on bottom of box.) On packaging for a Rowenta Iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.” On Boot’s CHILDREN’S cough medicine: “Do not drive car or operate heavy machinery.” On Nytol (a sleep aid): “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” On a Korean kitchen knife: “Warning – – keep out of children.” On a string of Christmas lights from China:…

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Thursday, as my girlfriend was puttering around in the kitchen, getting ready to cook our turkey, she said to me, “Did you thaw the turkey?” With a slight grin, I responded by saying, “Yeth. I thaw the turkey thitting in the think. Thee? Why don’t you look for it before athking me if I thaw it? I thee a lot with theeth two eyeth!” She smacked me with the gravy ladle.

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Tech Support calls “YOU” for help. When you are reading something printed, you wish you could use a search function to get to the point. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say “LOL.” When you reply to someone verbally, your fingers start typing your response. You check your e-mail over and over, even when you know there’s nothing there. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on. You have called out someone’s screen name while making…

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OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out names and addresses of people you don’t know. WHEN reading a book, try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be used for shopping lists. A TEASPOON placed in a glass on the back seat of your car makes a handy audible gauge for road bump severity. BUS DRIVERS: Pretend you’re an airline pilot, by…

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Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable, because no matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I’m lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was too humiliating to reveal. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.…

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