Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Murphy in the eye and said, “I’ve some bad new for you … you have the cancer and it can’t be cured. I’d give you two weeks to a month.” Murphy shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor’s office into the waiting room. There he saw his…
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A woman gets a call from the hospital. The doctor at the hospital says, “Mrs. Smith, it’s about your husband. He’s been in a terrible car accident.” Mrs. Smith says, “Ohmigod, what happened.” The doctor says, “Well, I’ve got good news, and bad news.” Mrs. Smith says, “Give me the good news first.” The doctor says, “Well, your husband suffered extensive injuries and will take years to recuperate. He broke both of his arms, among other things, so for at…
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A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they’re falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures – the whole thing is just a mess. An engineer comes along and sees what they’re trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of…
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Mary and Jack are girlfriend and boyfriend. One day they go one a walk. As they are walking, Mary stops and says,” Look there’s a nickel in the road. Jack says,”No, it’s a dime.” Mary insists that it is a nickel, so Jack goes out to investigate. Just as he steps into the road, a semi comes along and hits Jack, instantly killing him. Mary just laughs and laughs because she knew it was really a dime.
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An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true. People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first. It’s easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them. I don’t mind going nowhere as long as it’s an interesting path. Make failure your teacher, not your undertaker. It hurts to be on the cutting edge. I don’t get even, I…
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SO BIG Yo mama’s so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step. Yo mama’s so big, her belly button’s got an echo. Yo mama’s so big, she can’t wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back. Yo mama’s so big, she rollerskates on busses. Yo mama’s so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers. Yo mama’s so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker. Yo mama’s so big, she uses bowling…
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* Horn broken. Watch for finger. * Keep honking…I’m reloading. * Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot. * All generalizations are false. * Cover me. I’m changing lanes. * I brake for no apparent reason. * Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use birth control. * I’m not as think as you drunk I am. * Forget about World Peace…Visualize using your turn signal. * We have enough youth, how about a fountain of…
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An old man was sitting on his front porch down in Louisiana watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor’s kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out “Hey boy, whatcha got there?” Boy yells back “Roll of chicken wire.” Old man says “What you gonna do with that?” Boy says “Gonna catch some chickens.” Old man yells “You damn fool, you can’t catch chickens with chicken wire!” Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening…
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A guy walks into a bar and sits down way at the end. No one else is within several yards of him, but he hears a voice. “Nice shirt.” He thinks he’s just hearing things, so he just ignores it. Again, a few minutes later, he hears the same voice say, “Nice tie.” This time, he knows what he heard so he asks the guy at the other end of the bar, “Did you hear anything?” The guy responds, “Nope.”…
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Classic Version – The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he?s a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. Modern Version – the ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and…
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