Italian man Jokes

A New Italian Opera!

CLINTON TRAGEDIO AMERICANO (Program notes translated by Rodgers Wood) Cast of Characters: Bill Clinton, tenor – philandering President of the United States Hillary Rodham Clinton, soprano – his long-suffering wife Monica Lewinsky, soprano – a conniving little White House intern Ken Starr, basso – puritanical special prosecutor Henry Hyde, basso – a true believer congressman Linda Tripp, contralto – double-crossing friend of Monica’s Paula Jones, contralto – a wild woman from Arkansas Sam Donaldson, baritone – a television news reporter…

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Read JokeA New Italian Opera!

The Italian who went to Malta

(Must be read with an Italian accent) One day ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna to piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don’t even know the lady…

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Read JokeThe Italian who went to Malta

An Italian Guy’s Story

This is a story of an Italian guy when he visits Toronto. You have to speak in an Italian accent to make this jokes more effective! One daya I go to Toronto and stay in bigga hotel. I go down to eat soma breakfast, I tella the waitress I wanna two pissa toast. She bringa me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss; she say, go to toilet, I say you no understand, I wanna two piss…

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Read JokeAn Italian Guy’s Story

2 Italians on a Bus

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: “Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one last-a time.” “You foul mouthed swine!” said the lady…

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Read Joke2 Italians on a Bus

Jewish and Italian boys

Two friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boy, come of age at the same time. The Italian boy’s father presents him with a brand-new pistol. On the other side of town, at his Bar Mitzvah, the Jewish boy receives a beautiful gold watch. The next day in school, the two boys are showing each other what they got. It turns out that each boy likes the other’s present better, and so they trade. That night, when the Italian boy…

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Read JokeJewish and Italian boys

Cultural Differences

There is a beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman 2 American men and 1 American woman 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman 2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman 2 New Zealand men and 1 New…

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Read JokeCultural Differences

A Load Off My Mind

This elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if he would hear his confession. The priest assured him that he would, and the two took up the customary positions on either side of the divider. “Well, Father,” began the old man. “At the beginning of World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. So I hid her in my attic, and they never found her.” “That’s…

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Read JokeA Load Off My Mind

Signs and Symptoms of Menopause

1. HOTFLASHES You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. 2. NIGHT SWEATS The person you sleep with complains about snow piling up on the bed. 3. MOOD SWINGS Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him. 4. MEMORY LOSS You write post-it notes with your kids’ names on them. 5. IRRITABILITY Your husband…

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Read JokeSigns and Symptoms of Menopause

Tony

Q: Do you know why so many Italian men are named Tony ? A: Because when they get on the boat to come to America, they stamp “TO NY” on their forehead !

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Read JokeTony

Trading Presents

Two friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boy, come of age at the same time. The Italian boy’s father presents him with a brand-new pistol. On the other side of town, at his Bar Mitzvah, the Jewish boy receives a beautiful gold watch. The next day in school, the two boys are showing each other what they got. It turns out that each boy likes the other’s present better, and so they trade. That night, when the Italian boy…

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Read JokeTrading Presents