Honeymoon Jokes

Honeymoon’s over

An old man and a old woman get married. After the reception, they go to their hotel room. The old man is waiting in bed as his new wife removes her clothes. As soon as she is ready, she says, “Now, we have to be careful, I have acute angina.” The old man says, “You better, because you sure have some ugly tits!!”

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Honeymoon Friction

A young couple were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, who was a big, burly guy, tossed his pants to his bride and said, “Here, put these on.” She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. “I can’t wear your pants,” she said. “That’s right,” said the husband, “and don’t you ever forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family!”…

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Second Honeymoon

The old couple were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 50th wedding anniversary. The old woman said, “We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon.” “Uh huh,” said the old man. “We will do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon,” said the old woman. “Uh huh,” said the old man. “And we will make love like we did on our first honeymoon,” said the old woman.…

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Gramma’s Honeymoon

Our family held a reunion when my mother was 88 years old, with grandchildren and great-grandchildren attending. The talk turned to honeymoons, and my three daughters began to tell about their trips to various popular locations: Las Vegas, Carribean and Niagara Falls. One of my daughters turned to her grandmother and asked, “Gramma, where did YOU go on your honeymoon?” With no hesitation whatsoever, Gramma said, “Upstairs!”

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Honeymoon Request

On their third night after the wedding, the two blissful newlyweds shut off the lights and crawl under the covers. Turning amorously towards his bride, Joshua tenderly informs his wife that tonight he wants a hand job instead of the usual stuff. She, being the proper girl that she is, had absolutely no idea what a “hand job” was. So, she gets out of bed, puts on her robe and heads for the phone to call her mom. “Mom,” she…

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Three Sisters and a Honeymoon

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home. Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming. The mother thought to herself, “That’s normal, especially on…

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honeymoon

What’s the difference between the first honeymoon and the second honeymoon? The first honeymoon is Niagara, the second honeymoon is Viagra

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Honeymoon Troubles

A couple return from their honeymoon, and it’s obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom’s best man takes him aside and asks what is wrong. “Well,” replied the man, “when we had finished making love on the first night, I got up to go to the bathroom, and I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking.” “Oh, I shouldn’t worry about that too much,” said his friend. I’m sure your wife will…

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Harold and Bonnie’s Honeymoon

A sailor and his bride arrived at the honeymoon suite of their hotel. The bride had not ‘gone all the way’ before and was very nervous. Her mother had told her it would be very painful, but that it was her wifely duty. “Just make the best of it, as I’ve always had to,” she said. The young sailor showed her things the bride had never been ‘warned about’ by her mother which the young wife bravely agreed to but…

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Honeymoon Pictures

On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, “My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe.” The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. “Oh, oh, aaahhh,” he exclaims. “My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture.” Puzzled she asks, “MY picture?” He answers, “Yes my…

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