Holding hands Jokes - page 2

Blonde phone call

A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother. When the man tells her it will be $300, she exclaims, “I don’t have any money.. but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother!” To that the man asks, “Anything?” And the blonde says, “yes.. Anything!” With that, the man says, “Follow me.” He walks into the next room and tells her, “Come in and close the door”. She does.…

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Wind

An 85 year old woman was standing at a bus stop. The wind was really blowing. She had her hands up on her head holding her hat to keep it from blowing away. With her hands on her hat the wind was blowing her dress up over her waist. Everything could be seen. A young man came up to her and asked, “Why are standing in the wind holding your hat? Your dress blowing over your waist. Everyone at the…

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Golf

A lady and a friend were playing golf at a resort. The lady hits her golfball and a little while after hears a scream. She runs towards the scream and finds a man lying on the floor, holding his crutch. The woman exclaims, “oh my, I’m so sorry, please, i am a physiotherapist, let me massage it and it will feel better.” The man replies that it is fine. The women insists and sticks her hands down his pants and…

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The Buddhist Priest and the Irish Man

There was a competition to find out who the smartest man in the world was. In this competition, there was only one rule, you can’t talk. So it all comes down to a Buddhist priest and an Irish man. So the priest starts out by holding up one finger. The Irish man holds up two fingers. The Buddhist priest holds up three fingers and the Irish man holds up a fist. The priest holds up a small circle with one…

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What Men Really Mean

“I’m going fishing.” Really means… “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.” “Let’s take your car.” Really means…. “Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas.” “Woman driver.” Really means…. “Someone who doesn’t speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me.” “I don’t care what color you paint the kitchen.”…

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Things to Think about

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living. Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone…

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World’s Greatest Charade Player

The world’s greatest charade player brags that he can guess any charade. A TV producer decides to use the charade player in a TV special. He issues a challenge offering the charade player a million dollars to guess a very hard charade on television. The Charade player agrees. Comes the big night, all the world is watching. The charade player is sitting on stage in front of a curtain. Music blares and the curtain opens to reveal seven nude young…

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