Hillary for president Jokes

Ben & Jerry’s Presidential flavours

Ben & Jerry’s new presidential flavors: THE FLAVORS Double Nut Joy Impeach-Mint Subpoenas ‘n’ Cream Chubby Cheatin’ Hubby Candy Pants Chilly Hillbilly Pants-offio Pistachio Horny Bubba Crunch Arkansas Peach Subpoena Butter Cup Peppermint Fatty Captain Cream Tubby Bubba Hillary Chiller Fundraising Coffee Oval Office Surprise Arkansas Smoothie Subpoena Colada Hyperactive Nuts Scandalberry

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Hillary’s parrot

Hillary wanted to add some color to the White House. She decided to look at tropical birds for reasons known only to her. While shopping for the bird, she visited a local pet store which was known for its collection of tropical birds. As she was viewing the collection, she noted a vast difference in prices. “Why is this one only $50 and all the others are $500?” she asked. “Well, ma’am,” the manager told her, “not everyone would want…

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A Pig for Hillary

As President Clinton returns to Washington after a brief trip to Arkansas, he gets off the helicopter carrying a fat Arkansas Razorback Pig with a Blue Ribbon. A handsome young Marine snaps a salute to the President and says, “That’s a great pig, Sir.” “Yes,” smiles Bill, “I got it for Hillary.” “Excellent trade, Sir.”

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Hillary’s Gas Station

President Clinton and Hillary were back in Arkansas visiting their old stomping grounds. While they were driving around, they saw that they needed gas, so they pulled into a gas station. Lo and behold, the owner of the gas station was one of Hillary’s old boyfriends. So they shot the breeze and talked about old times. After they drove away, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, “See, now if you had married that guy, you’d be part owner…

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How Life will be Different Now That Hillary’s Moved Out

Top 10 ways the White House will be different now that Hillary has moved out: 10. President no longer sleeps alone. 9. Faucets in master bathroom now dispense scented massage oil and gravy. 8. Forget dress-down Friday—now all-nude Friday and pantless Monday through Thursday. 7. Volumes of Hillary fan mail redirected to new house. 6. Hillary no longer writing volumes of fan mail to herself. 5. No pressure to cuddle. 4. Token male intern transferred out. 3. Oval office now…

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Chelsea’s Wisdom

Vice President Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, “You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make someone very happy.” Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, “Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy.” Hillary tosses her perfectly coifed hair and says, “Of course, then, I could throw one hundred $1.00 bills out the…

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Bad News

There was a big snowfall in Washington, DC. President Clinton was working in the Oval Office and decided to take a break. He walked out onto the balcony and surveyed the beautiful new fallen snow on the lawn. He looked down from the balcony and was astonished to see written in the new snow in piss: “Clinton sucks”. Well, he was very upset, not only by what it said but what it was written with and that someone could get…

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A New Italian Opera!

CLINTON TRAGEDIO AMERICANO (Program notes translated by Rodgers Wood) Cast of Characters: Bill Clinton, tenor – philandering President of the United States Hillary Rodham Clinton, soprano – his long-suffering wife Monica Lewinsky, soprano – a conniving little White House intern Ken Starr, basso – puritanical special prosecutor Henry Hyde, basso – a true believer congressman Linda Tripp, contralto – double-crossing friend of Monica’s Paula Jones, contralto – a wild woman from Arkansas Sam Donaldson, baritone – a television news reporter…

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After the Whitehouse

Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is William Jefferson Clinton and I’m the President of the United States. And right now I’m going trough some minor legal problems that you may or may not have heard about, and these legal problems are probably going to force me out of office sooner or later and that got me thinking the other day. When I’m out of office I’m going to need some sort of steady income to support my family,…

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