herd of cows

An old cowboy went into a trendy pub and sat at the bar. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After ordering a drink she turned to the cowboy and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”

He replied, “Well, I’ve spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences, … I guess I am.” After a short while he asked her what she was.

She replied, “I guess I’d have to say I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think of women. When I eat, shower, watch TV,… everything seems to make me think of women.”

A short while later she left and then a young couple sat down next to him. Soon they asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”

He thought for a moment and replied, “I always thought I was, but I just found out that I’m a lesbian.”

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana.

They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 and goes to Texas to buy a bull.

She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull. “It’s the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it.”

She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, “I’d like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: Have found the stud bull for our ranch. Bring the trailer.”

The man behind the counter tells her, “Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are 75 cents per word.”

She thinks about it for a moment and decides. “I’d like to send one word, please.”

“And what word would that be?” inquires the man.

“Comfortable,” replies the brunette.

The man asks, “I’m sorry miss, but how is your friend gonna understand this telegram?”

The brunette replies, “My friend is blonde and reads REAL slow. When she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL.”

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field.

He asks, “And what are those?” The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”

A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be “Macho,” and went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation:

“Say, look at that bunch of cows.”

The hired hand replied, “Not ‘bunch,’ but ‘herd.’”

“Heard what?”

“Herd of cows.”

“Sure, I’ve heard of cows. There’s a big bunch of ‘em right over there.”

city boy: “Look at that bunch of cows!”
farm boy: “Not bunch, herd.”
city boy: “Heard what?”
farm boy: “…of cows.”
city boy: “Sure, I’ve heard of cows!”
farm boy: “No, I mean a cow herd.”
city boy: “I don’t care, I have no secrets from them.”