Hearing things Jokes

Hearing Things

Old man Murray goes to the doctor with a very worried look on his face. “Doctor,” he says, “You’ve got to help me. Do you remember those voices in my head I always complain about?” “Yes,” the doctor replies. “Well, they’ve suddenly gone away,” Murray says. “So, what’s the problem?” “I think I’m going deaf.”

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Read JokeHearing Things

10 things Women won’t say, but Men would love to hear

10. You know, I’ve been complaining a lot lately. I don’t blame you for ignoring me. 9. The new girl in my office is a stripper. I invited her over for dinner on Friday. 8. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they’ll still cover. 7. Bar food again?? Kick ass!! 6. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has…

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Read Joke10 things Women won’t say, but Men would love to hear

Could Things Get Worse?

The following is taken from a Florida newspaper: A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and…

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Talking Peanuts

A guy walks into a bar and sits down way at the end. No one else is within several yards of him, but he hears a voice. “Nice shirt.” He thinks he’s just hearing things, so he just ignores it. Again, a few minutes later, he hears the same voice say, “Nice tie.” This time, he knows what he heard so he asks the guy at the other end of the bar, “Did you hear anything?” The guy responds, “Nope.”…

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Read JokeTalking Peanuts

Advice to Northerners..ya’ll

“This is to hep yu’all who don’t have the plesur of livin in the sunny South, which is sometimes covered in ice! Those who do, will wunder why these wus ever wrote down in the furst place.” Sayings in the South: “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. “It’s been hotter’n a goat’s butt in a pepper patch.” “Have a cup of coffee, it’s already ‘saucered and blowed.” “It’s so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.” “My…

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Read JokeAdvice to Northerners..ya’ll

Papal Advice

The new priest is a little nervous about hearing the confessions, but the older priest encourages him to give it a try. The new priest listens to a few, and then the older priest pulls him out of the confessional, saying, “Why don’t you try to do this, cross your arms, rub your chin, and say things like ‘Yes, I see’ and ‘Go on, my child.’” The new priest does this. then the older priest says to him, “Now, don’t…

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Little Johnny and the Eel

Seven-year-old little Johnny, like other boys his age, are rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from the other boys, and he wondered just what it was all about. One day he asked his mother, and she became quite flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains later that night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. So he did this, and the next morning he gave this…

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Puzzled Priest

An elderly parish priest became unhappy with the things he was hearing during Saturday confessions. After his sermon one Sunday morning, he said to his congregation, “I’m tired of hearing so many people tell me in confession that they have cheated. For thirty years, people have been saying to me ‘I have cheated with Anthony… I have cheated with Mary… I have cheated with Frankie.’ I am sick and tired of hearing this word. From now on, when you come…

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TONS of Blonde Jokes

1: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block! 2: What do you say to a blonde that won’t give in? “Have another beer.” 3: What’s a blonde’s favorite wine? “Daddy! I want to go to Miami 4: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are walking down the street. They spot a $100 on the ground. Who gets it? Nobody. The first four don’t exist and the…

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Read JokeTONS of Blonde Jokes

Snickers really satisfy…

This couple are just married and they go to their hotel suite. The groom is really pumped up. It’s his wedding night and he’s finally going to get some. They get to their room and he’s ready to pounce on his bride, having already stripped. She stops him and says she’s starving and would he run down to vending machine and get her a Snickers. He says, “But I’m already naked!” She says “Please I just know that I’ll be…

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Read JokeSnickers really satisfy…