Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
By now, you’ve probably all seen the new “slogan” that’s gotten every preacher’s attention coast to coast: WWJD, or What Would Jesus Do…. Contemplating that very question, here are some possibilities: 1. Call his Dad. Find out why Dad and Mom never got married. 2. Have dinner with eleven close friends and the one guy he just doesn’t like. 3. Get some sleep. 4. Hang around for a while and catch some sun. 5. Get up early on Sunday, even…
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St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for new arrivals. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. “Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?” “Sure,” replied Jesus. “What do I have to do?” “Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven.” “Sounds easy enough. OK.” So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went…
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I have had two by-pass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, prostate cancer, and diabetes, I am half blind and can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia, poor circulation and can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore, Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But…Thank God I still have my DRIVER’S LICENSE!!!
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One day, Jesus and his disciples were walking down the streets of Heaven and Jesus tripped over a old Man. He asked the old man what was the matter. He said when he was alive on earth, he had a son. So Jesus asked him to describe his son. He said that he is very polite and has holes in his hands and feet. ” Father ?!” Jesus said. The old man looked up and said ” PINOCCHIO?!!!”
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How to Identify Where a Driver is From One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York. One hand on wheel, one finger and head out the window — cursing, cutting across all lanes of traffic: Philly One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in…
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“Your life is not my fault.” “The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.” “Take you hands off the car, and I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.” “Remember, when you gotta cuff ’em… nobody is your friend.” “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.” “That says POLICE, not taxi!” “Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second?” “So you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess…
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A fifth grader was asked by his teacher, “What is the size of the Democratic Party?” “About 5 feet 2 inches,” he replied promptly. “NO!” exploded the teacher….”I mean how many MEMBERS does it have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches, anyway?” “Well,” replied the boy, “my father is 6 feet tall, and every night he puts his hands to his chin and says, “I”ve had it up to HERE with the Democratic Party!”
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Three midgets went to the world guniess book of records to be entered for the smallest extremities. The first midget for his hands. Upon exiting he exclaimed, “I’m in!” The second midget went for the size of his feet. Upon exiting he exclaimed, “I’m in!”. The third midget went for the size of his penis. Upon exiting he exclaimed, “Who the damn hell is Bill Clinton?”
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1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those electronic cars at the front of the store. 3. Set all the alarm clock to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 4. Start playing football; see how many people you can get to join in. 5. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him, “I need some…
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Symptom: Feet cold and wet. Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle. Action: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. Symptom: Feet warm and wet. Fault: Improper bladder control. Action: Stand next to the nearest dog and complain about house training. Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. Fault: Glass Empty Action: Get someone to buy you another beer. Symptom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. Fault: You have fallen over backwards. Action: Have yourself leashed to the bar.…
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