Hand soap Jokes

Two Priests

Two priests were done for the day and decided to head for the showers. When they got in they realized neither one had brought soap, so one of them says, “I’ll be alright to go out in the hall naked just to get some soap”, so out he goes and is on his way back with 2 bars of soap when 3 nuns come walking down the hall. The priest froze and pretended he was a statue, with the bars…

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Get the Manager

A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub and gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard. Are you the manager?” she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. Actually, no,” the man replies. “Can you get him for me?” she asks. I need to…

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Giving your Cat a Pill, Round 2

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from under table and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw…

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Read JokeGiving your Cat a Pill, Round 2

Funny Questions to ask yourself

1.Does the Little Mermaid wear an algae bra? 2.Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 3.How is it possible to have a civil war? 4.If God dropped acid, would he see people? 5.If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? 6.If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? 7.If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? 8.Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have a “S”…

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Whole Lotta Yo Mama

SO BIG Yo mama’s so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step. Yo mama’s so big, her belly button’s got an echo. Yo mama’s so big, she can’t wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back. Yo mama’s so big, she rollerskates on busses. Yo mama’s so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers. Yo mama’s so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker. Yo mama’s so big, she uses bowling…

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wacky thoughts

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him – Is he still wrong? If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Is there another word for synonym? Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice?” When you open a bag of cotton balls,…

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Consumer Labels

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Warning: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, but that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On…

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Read JokeConsumer Labels