Goldstein Jokes

The Amazing Goldstein!

A traveling salesman visits to a small town in the Midwest and sees a circus banner reading, “Don’t miss the Amazing Goldstein!” Curious, he buys a ticket and sits through the usual circus acts. Animals, clowns, contortionists, and other questionable acts. Finally the trumpets blare and all eyes turn to the center ring. There in the middle of the ring is a table with three walnuts on it. In comes a little old Jewish man, five feet tall and barely…

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Read JokeThe Amazing Goldstein!

Not Jewish

A Meshulach comes knocking on a very wealthy person’s door and when the gentleman of the house answers, the Meshulach greets him, “Sholom Aleichem, Mr. Goldstein, I’m collecting for the Lotsa Gelt Yeshivah, and I’m wondering if a nice, wealthy Jewish person like yourself wouldn’t want to make a little contribution.” The homeowner replies, “The name is Gold, not Goldstein, and I am not Jewish.” “Are you sure?” asks the Meshulach. “Sir, I am positive,” replies the homeowner. “But,” says…

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Rent a room

In the winter of 1926, Thelma Goldstein from Chicago treated herself to her first real vacation in Florida. Being unfamiliar with the area, she wandered into a restricted hotel in North Miami. “Excuse me,” she said to the manager. “My name is Mrs. Goldstein, and I’d like a small room for two weeks.” “I’m awfully sorry,” he replied, “but all of our rooms are occupied.” Just as he said that, a man came down and checked out. “What luck,” said…

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Read JokeRent a room

What’s The Matter With You Kids?

During World War II, Private Goldstein was anxious to get married before going overseas, but he was stationed in a small town in South Carolina and couldn’t get a furlough. His fiancee, Becky, was perfectly willing to come to South Carolina, and did so; but once there, a difficult problem arose. Becky was a pious girl and insisted on being married by an Orthodox Jewish rabbi. In the small town where Goldstein was stationed, however, there were no Jews, let…

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Chinese Jews

Rabbi Cohen and Rabbi Goldstein were having dinner at a Chinese restaurant. After dinner while they were having dessert, Rabbi Cohen wondered aloud, “I’ve been thinking this while we’re having dinner and I can’t get it off my mind.” “Well, what’s on your mind?” asked Rabbi Goldstein. “Well, I’ve been thinking if there are any Jews living in China these days,” said Rabbi Cohen. “Why don’t you ask the waiter over there?” asked Rabbi Goldstein as he waved for the…

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Read JokeChinese Jews

Airplane ride

A man walks onto an airplane and takes his seat. He looks up and notices the most beautiful women he has ever seen boarding the plane. He is so nervous, and he soon realizes that she is walking down the aisle toward him. When she takes the seat next to him, he is anxious to begin a conversation with her. He asks, “Where are you flying to today?” She responds, “To the annual nymphomaniac convention in Chicago.” He is CRAZED…

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Read JokeAirplane ride

The Mistress

Doctor Goldstein and his wife are having dinner at an upscale restaurant when an attractive young blonde walks by, smiles at the doctor, and says “Hi, Sammy.” “Who the hell is THAT?” asks Sammy’s wife. “That’s my mistress,” Dr. Goldstein replies. “You have a MISTRESS? How long has this been going on?” asks his wife. “About five years,” says the doctor. “Five years? I’ll see a lawyer tomorrow and start a divorce. I’ll ruin you.” “Wait just a minute, honey.…

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Think of Nothing But Sex

Mrs. Goldstein, somewhat advanced in years, had finally been persuaded to consult a psychiatrist for the first time. The psychiatrist, viewing her ruefully, said, “Mrs. Goldstein, with your permission I will try an experiment with you. It may serve to advance us more rapidly. I am going to have you lie here on the couch for half an hour, and during that period of time I want you to think of nothing but sex. Do you understand me? Just think…

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Read JokeThink of Nothing But Sex