Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Two Texans were having lunch at their favorite restaurant when they noticed a young woman at the next table having trouble breathing. One of the Texans got up, walked over to her table, took her face in his big Texan hands and said, “Kin ya swaller?” She shook her head ‘no.’ “Kin ya breath?” Again she shakes her head ‘no.’ The Texan grabs her around the waist with one of his big Texan hands, turns her over, pulls up her…
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A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money…
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It was siesta time in the sleepy Mexican village. Pedro reclined on the sidewalk while his favorite ass, Pablo, stood nearby. An American tourist wandered by, stopped to click a few photos of Pedro and Pablo, then in jest, asked Pedro if he knew what time it was. Pedro looked up at him, quietly reached over, hefted Pablo’s huge nuts, squinted at them, said “Two-fifteen, senor,” then went back to his siesta. When the tourist checked his watch, it said…
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A man was called in for an audit by the IRS. So, he asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. “Wear your worst clothing and an old pair of shoes. Let them think you are a pauper,” the accountant replied. Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice: “Don’t let them intimidate you. Wear your best suit and an expensive tie.” Confused, the man went to his Minister, told him of the conflicting…
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10. Child can now open your blouse by himself. 9. The kid starts burping up silicone. 8. Child has developed a bad habit of flicking his tongue. 7. The little one keeps slipping dollar bills in your belt. 6. Child demands that you express for his cafe latte. 5. Your birth control pills interfere with his acne medicine. 4. After each session, you both have a smoke. 3. Child invites his friends over for dinner. 2. You feel an uncontrollable…
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It was early one Saturday morning. A friend of mine called to warn me of a group of Jehovah Witnesses working our neighborhood. I thought it would be funny if I appeared at the door totally nude and holding a beer. I looked out the window and saw a man in a suit, a well-dressed woman and two young girls carrying what looked like a bag. As soon as the doorbell rang, I opened it. Acting very drunk, I asked…
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A soldier, filled with obvious triumph, returned from his twenty-four hour pass and was besieged by his buddies who wanted to know, in detail, how he had made out. The soldier, nothing loath, said gleefully, “What a piece of fuckin’ luck I had. I hadn’t been off camp more than half an hour when I met this fuckin’ broad and she was STACKED! We got to talking and I took her out for some fuckin’ hamburgers. Then we went to…
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Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, “Well, it could have been worse.” To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it. On the golf course one day, one of them said, “Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home…
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Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says, “You know, girls, I have known you all a long time, and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a Keptomaniac. But, don’t worry, I have never stolen from you, and I never will. We have been friends for too long.” The second lady says, “Well, since we are having true confessions, I must get something off my chest, too. I am a Nymphomaniac.…
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When Arnold Schwartzenegger was a young boy living in Austria, he and his friends used to enjoy a game in which they pretended they were composers (being that Austria was known for having produced some great composers in its time). One day they were playing their usual game and the first boy yelled out, “I want to be Mozart!”. Immediately the second boy chimed in saying, “I want to be Chopin!”. Lastly was Arnold who was quoted as saying, “Then…
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