Flu Jokes

Royal Flush

Princess Diana and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before St. Peter to find out if they’ll be admitted to heaven. Unfortunately, there’s only one space left for that day, so St.Peter asks Dolly if there’s some particular reason why she should go to heaven, so she takes off her top and says, “Look at these. They’re the most perfect ones God ever created, and I’m sure it will please him to be able to…

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Swine Flu

As you know, there is a possibility of another outbreak of swine flu during the upcoming months of flu season. In order that you may be on the alert for indications that you or members of your family may have contracted the Swine Flu Virus, you should be aware of the following symptoms associated with this disease: 1) Sore throat 2) Slight headache 3) Moderate to high temperature 4) Nausea or upset stomach 5) An uncontrollable urge to screw in…

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A24: The New ‘Personality Trait’ You *Must* Have on Your Dating Profile

The alternative dating app Feeld has dropped a bombshell revelation: forget shared hobbies or personality traits, your true compatibility test now lies with your film studio preferences! ? It seems the once-boutique studio A24 has officially transcended mere filmmaking to become a ‘worldwide signifier of edgy yet popular entertainment.’ Translation: if you want to appear cool and discerning (but not too discerning), you better have A24 listed right alongside ‘loves long walks on the beach’ and ‘fluent in sarcasm.’ Apparently,…

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Read JokeA24: The New ‘Personality Trait’ You *Must* Have on Your Dating Profile

Cuba’s Power Grid Takes its Fifth Vacation This Year, Leaving 10 Million in the Dark (Again!)

Well, look what we have here! Cuba’s power grid, apparently suffering from a severe case of ‘the Mondays’ every other month, has decided to take its fifth little siesta this year. ? The energy ministry, probably sighing heavily, confirmed that 10 million people are once again playing ‘find the flashlight’ after a “total disconnection” of their wonderfully antiquated electric system. ???? Emergency crews are, yet again, on the scene, likely with a sense of déjà vu, trying to coax the…

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Read JokeCuba’s Power Grid Takes its Fifth Vacation This Year, Leaving 10 Million in the Dark (Again!)

Three Times A Lady

A couple was enjoying a romantic dinner, celebrating their 35th anniversary when the husband says to his wife, “Honey, it’s wonderful having been married to you for 35 years, but there is one thing I’ve often wondered and have never known for sure. Have you been true to me throughout our married years?” She suddenly gets this flushed look upon her face as responds, “Does it really matter? What really counts is that we have been happy and we’ll be…

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Top Ten Signs Your Amish Teen is in Trouble:

Top Ten Signs Your Amish Teen is in Trouble: 10. Sometimes stays in bed til after 6 am. 9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets. 8. Shows up at barn raisings in full “Kiss” makeup. 7. When you criticize him, he yells, “Thou stinketh!” 6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by “Jeb Daddy.” 5. Defiantly says, “If I had a radio, I’d listen to rap.” 4. You come upon his secret stash of…

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Read JokeTop Ten Signs Your Amish Teen is in Trouble:

The Ventriloquist

This ventriloquist was playing a club and happened to crack a series of jokes about hillbillies. His dander rising, one young man in the club finally stood and said, “Hey, Ah’m gettin’ tired of these here jokes. Not all of us is dumb, y’know.” The flustered ventriloquest appologized, “It was all in jest, sir. Please don’t take it so seriously!” “Shaddup,” snarled the hillbilly, “Ain’t talkin’ to you. I’m talking to that wood fella on yar knee.”

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Think about it

1. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 2. Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? 3. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 4. Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”? 5.. Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? 6. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do…

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Farts Classified

Types of Farting People The Vain Person One who loves the smell of his own farts. The Amiable Person One who loves the smell of other people’s farts. The Proud Person One who thinks his farts are exceptionable fine. The Shy Person One who releases silent farts then blushes. The Imprudent Person One who boldly farts out loud, and then laughs. The Unfortunate Person One who tries hard to fart, but shits instead. The Scientific Person One who farts frequently,…

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