first affair

A husband suspects his wife is having an affair. He needs to go on a business trip for several days, so he decides to set a trap for her. He puts a glass of milk under the bed. From the bed strings, he suspends a spoon over the glass of milk. He has it calibrated so that her weight on the bed will not drop the spoon into the milk. But, if there is any more weight than that, the spoon will drop into the milk and he will detect it upon his return home.

He comes home several days later. The first thing he does is to reach under the bed and retrieve the glass.

The glass is full of butter….

(That must have been one hell of a churning action!)

One afternoon a doctor had an affair with one of his patients.

After sending his patient home, the doctor had a little voice inside of him that kept saying, “I can’t believe you just had an affair with one of your patients. That is so wrong, and it goes against everything you stand for.”

Then this other voice inside him kept saying, “Don’t worry, you’re not the first doctor to ever have an affair with a patient, and you certainly won’t be the last doctor to have an affair.”

But still there was this other voice inside him that kept saying, “But those doctors weren’t veterinarians…”

This actually IS true. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it! Only in South Carolina!! Bitter sweet revenge. It’s about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University.

This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride’s and groom’s families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception.

To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift, just from him. So, taped to the bottom of everyone’s chair was a manila envelope, including those chairs of the wedding party. He said that this was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open their envelopes.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8 X 10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride. He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and had hired a private detective to trail them, weeks prior to the wedding. After he stood there and watched the people’s reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said “Fuck you!” He then turned to the bride and said “Fuck you too!,” and then he turned to the dumb-founded crowd and said, “I’m outta here!”

He had the marriage annulled, first thing that Monday morning. While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway as if nothing was wrong.

His revenge: Making the bride’s parents pay over $32,000 for 300 guests, the wedding itself and the reception. Plus, letting everyone know exactly what did happen. And best of all, trashing the bride’s and best man’s reputations in front of all of their friends, their entire families, i.e., their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, nieces and nephews, etc.

This guy has balls the size of church bells. This is his world; we just live in it.

Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers, “241.”

“That is wonderful!” says Albert. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!”

Next, Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks her, “What is your IQ?” to which the lady answers, “144.”

“That is great!” responds Albert. “We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!”

Albert goes to another person and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers, “51.”

Albert responds, “How ’bout them Cowboys?”

Don’t you get the feeling that we’d all be better off if Clinton’s first affair had been with Lorena Bobbett?