Father answers Jokes

1957 Date

It’s the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He’s a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. “Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” he says. “That’s cool,” says Bobby. Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie’s…

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can i have some of that?

This man and his son where driving down the road the man pulls out a beer and begins taking a drink, his son asks, “dad, can i have a drink?” his dad replies, “son, can your dick touch your ass?” His son jumps in the back seat then comes back up front, “no, dad it can’t.” “sorry, son you can’t have any!” the boys father then pulls out a ciggarette, “Dad, can I have a drink?” the boy asks. “Can…

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Four daughters dating

This guy has four daughters who all live at home. One Friday night the doorbell rings. The guy answers it and a kid standing there says “Hi, I’m Freddy. I’m here to pick up Betty. We’re gonna go eat spaghetti. Is she ready?” The man, mildly amused calls down his daughter and the two leave. A few minutes later the doorbell rings again and he answers. A kid standing there says, “Hi, I’m Jim. I’m here to see Kim. We’re…

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Lil’ Polar Bear

Lil’ polar bear goes to his mom and asks, “Mom am I 100% pure Polar Bear?” Mother Bear says, “Why yes, son, you are! If you do not believe me, go ask your Pops.” So the lil’ polar bear goes to Pops and asks, “Pops, am I 100% pure polar bear?” The father answers, “Well let’s see… my mom and Pop were both pure Polar Bears, so were your grandparents on your mom’s side and both your mom and I…

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Not Jewish

A Meshulach comes knocking on a very wealthy person’s door and when the gentleman of the house answers, the Meshulach greets him, “Sholom Aleichem, Mr. Goldstein, I’m collecting for the Lotsa Gelt Yeshivah, and I’m wondering if a nice, wealthy Jewish person like yourself wouldn’t want to make a little contribution.” The homeowner replies, “The name is Gold, not Goldstein, and I am not Jewish.” “Are you sure?” asks the Meshulach. “Sir, I am positive,” replies the homeowner. “But,” says…

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A True Story: Real Genius

Here is a great historical instance of out-of-the-box thinking: The renown British physicist Ernest Rutherford was known as the father of nuclear physics. When he was a professor at an English university, he got a call from a colleague who asked if Rutherford would be a referee on the grading of an examination question. This fellow professor was about to give a student a zero for his answer to a physics question while the student claimed he should receive a…

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What happens when you save Bush?

Three boys save President Bush’s life. President Bush says to them, “Boys, you can have anything your little hearts desire.” The first boy asks for a Game Boy and every game ever made for it. President Bush says, “You got, little man.” The second boy asks for a Playstation 2 and a pony. President Bush says, “You’ll have ’em by tommorow.” The third boy asks for a wheelchair with a built-in Playstation and freezer. President Bush asks the boy, “Why…

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Conversations of Little Johnny with the Mayor

On the campaign trail, the mayor running for re-election walks up to a house of his campaign adviser and rings the doorbell. When a small boy opens the door, the mayor introduces himself, “Hello there, little boy! What’s your name?” “Little Johnny,” replies the small boy. “Well, Little Johnny, I’m Mayor Hoffman. I’m running for re-election. Can I speak to your father?” “He’s in the shower right now,” answers Little Johnny with a giggle. “Oh! Well, is your mother in…

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Hans Olaffsen

This guy is walking through ChinaTown. He is fascinated with all the Chinese Restaurants, the Chinese shops, the Chinese signs and banners on the buildings. He is having the best time just walking and looking. He turns a corner and sees a building with a sign, “Hans Olafsen’s Laundry”. “Hans Olaffsen?”, he thinks. “How in the world does that fit in here?” So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor…

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