Evil man Jokes

Speak No Evil!

There was once a man who couldn’t speak. Everyday, he prayed for God to give him a voice. One day God decided to answer the man’s prayers, so He sprayed Holy Water on the man, miraculously giving him the ability to speak. The man’s first words were: “Who the fuck sprayed water on me!”

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50 Reasons to be a Woman

1.Free drinks. 2.Free dinners. 3.Free movies (you get the point). 4.You can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you’re gay. 5.You can hug your friend without wondering if YOU’RE gay. 6.You know ‘The Truth’ about whether size matters. 7.Speeding ticket? What’s that? 8.New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life. 9.You never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned in high school. 10.If you have sex with someone and don’t call them…

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Evil Brothers

There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church, and looked to be perfect Christians. Then their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers’ deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers. A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly. All of a…

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evil clone

An electrician, and a very prosperous one a that, decided to go into the entertainment business. In doing so he became a headliner at a local night club. After a while, the man beacame very tired and couldn’t keep up with both of his jobs. In order to keep up with both his job, and still make a treendous amount of money in the process, he decided to clone himself. In doing so, the clone took over the night club…

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Devil on the Bridge

A man standing on a bridge seems to be contemplating suicide. He has lost his job, his home, and his car. Suddenly, out of nowhere, an evil image with a cape appears and asks the man what his problem is. The man replies that he has nothing to live for…everything is gone. The evil image in the cape tells the man that he is the devil, and he would grant three wishes in return for a blow job under the…

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Lesser of Evils

During a routine physical exam, the doctor found his elderly male patient suffering from the effects of old age much sooner than expected. So, he gave the old man this piece of advice, “Your gout is getting much worse. You’ll have to give up drinking, smoking and having sex for a long while.” The old man stared back at his doctor incredulously before blurting out, “What for? So that I can just walk a little better?”

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THE WISDOM OF THE DEVIL

A MAN IS LOST IN THE DESERT HE IS CLAIMING FOR WATER. THEN OUT OF THE GROUND THE DEVIL POPS UP. HE ASKS THE MAN TO GIVE UP HIS SOUL. THE MAN REPLYS NO. THE DEVIL SAYS, IF YOU CAN MAKE AN ASS OUT OF ME I WILL LET YOU LIVE. IF YOU DONT I WILL KILL YOU. SO THE MAN SAY OK TO THE DEVIL.M THE DESPRETE MAN LOOK ALL AROUND HIM AND FINDS AN EMPTY CAN. HE POKES…

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Heavenly Dispute

The popular belief is that Heaven and Hell are one under the other. The actual layout is side by side, separated by a wooden fence. One afternoon on the etheral planes, a group of demons are playing football and manage to crash into the fence, demolishing a large part of it. God, anger in His eyes, roars over the fence to Satan, “Your little demons did this – therefore you must repair it!” “Fine,” says Satan. “I’ve got all the…

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Fun with Anagrams

Take a look at the following words, after their letters have been rearranged: Dormitory = Dirty Room Evangelist = Evil’s Agent Desperation = A Rope Ends It The Morse Code = Here Come Dots Slot Machines = Cash Lost in ’em Animosity = Is No Amity Santa = Satan Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler Snooze Alarms = Alas! No More Z’s! The Public Art Galleries = Large Picture Halls, I Bet A Decimal Point = I’m A Dot in Place The…

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Noah in the 90’s!

The Lord spoke to Noah and said, “Noah, in six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an ark.” And, in a flash of lightning, he delivered the specifications for the ark. “OK,” Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling…

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