elderly couple

A couple goes back to their original honeymoon hotel for a celebration of their 50th wedding anniversary.

After all the family festivities they retire to the original room they stayed in on their honeymoon night 50 years prior.
The woman is done with her bathroom antics and her husband takes her place for his turn to get ready.

The elderly man takes quite awhile in the bathroom, as is his norm, and his wife spends the time figuring out the best way to look the most seductive when he comes back out of the bathroom.

She tries on several nighties, some pajamas, sexy undies, a nice teddy with lace trim. Finally she decides that naked and ready would be the best bet, so she lies back on the bed and aims her lower torso towards the bathroom door. As soon as the door to the bathroom opens she raises her legs in the air and spreads them.

Her husband steps into the room, takes one look at his wife and immediately bursts into racking sobs.

“Aw, honey. What’s wrong? Do you love me so much it brings you to tears?” she asks.

“No,” he sobs, “Fifty years ago I couldn’t wait to eat that. Now it looks like it wants to eat me!”

An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together.

After the husband’s exam, the doctor then said to him, “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like discuss with me?”

“In fact, I do,” said the man. “After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly.”

“This is very interesting,” replied the doctor. “Let me do some research and get back to you.”

After examining the elderly wife, the doctor said to her, “Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?” The lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns.

The doctor then asked, “Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?”

“Oh that old buzzard!” she replied. “That’s because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!”

An elderly man was walking through the French countryside,
admiring the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he
spotted a young couple making love in a field. Getting over
his initial shock he said to himself, “Ah, young love… ze
spring time, ze air, ze flowers… C’est magnifique!” and
continued to watch, remembering good times.

Suddenly he drew in a gasp and said, “Mais… Sacre bleu! Ze
woman - she is dead!” and he hurried along as fast as he
could to the town to tell Jean, the police chief. He came,
out of breath, to the police station and shouted, “Jean…
Jean zere is zis man, zis woman … naked in farmer Gaston’s
field making love.”

The police chief smiled and said; “Come, come, Henri you are
not so old; remember ze young love, ze spring time, ze air,
ze flowers? Ah, L’amour! Zis is okay.”

“Mais non! You do not understand; ze woman, she is dead!”
Hearing this, Jean leapt up from his seat, rushed out of the
station, jumped on his bike, pedaled down to the field,
confirmed Henri’s story, and pedaled all the way back non-
stop to call the doctor: “Pierre, Pierre, … this is Jean,
I was in Gaston’s field; zere is a young couple naked ‘aving
sex ”

To which Pierre replied,”Jean, I am a man of science. You
must remember, it is spring, ze air, ze flowers, Ah,
L’amour! Zis is very natural.” Jean, still out of breath,
grasped in reply, “NON, you do not understand; ze woman, she
is dead!”

Hearing this, Pierre exclaimed, “Mon dieu!” grabbed his
black medicine bag; stuffed in his thermometer, stethoscope,
and other tools; jumped in the car; and drove like a madman
down to Gaston’s field. After carefully examining the
participants he drove calmly back to Henri and Jean, who
were waiting at the station. He got there, went inside,
smiled patiently, and said, “Ah, mes amis, do not worry.
Ze woman, she is not dead, she is British.”

An elderly couple are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary in the country restaurant where they had their first date. They reminisce about that first night and remember how they’d snuck out of the restaurant to the yard, she’d bent over the back fence and he’d taken her passionately from behind. They decide to reenact that first act of love.

Another diner has overheard this conversation and, incredulous, follows them out to the backyard. Sure enough, the old lady removes her knickers, pulls up her dress and bends over the fence and the old man enthusiastically mounts her. The amazed diner then witnesses the most athletic frenetic sex he’s ever seen. Twenty minutes later, the old couple collapses on the ground.

The diner can’t help himself. He comes out of hiding and shakes the old man’s hand. “That was incredible!” he says. “You’re a sex god. I can’t believe you were even more energetic than that 50 years ago.”

“50 years ago,” groans the old man. “That fence wasn’t electrified!”
The old man replies

Jerry was hired to play his trumpet on the score of a movie, and he was excited. He was especially thrilled because he got to take two long solos. After the sessions, which went great, Jerry couldn’t wait to see the finished product. He asked the producer where and when he could catch the film.

A little embarrassed, the producer explained that the music was for a porno flick that would be out in a month, and he told Jerry where he could go to see it.

A month later, Jerry, with his collar up and wearing glasses, went to the theatre where the picture was playing. He walked in and sat way in the back, next to an elderly couple who also seemed to be disguised and hiding. The movie started, and it was the filthiest, most perverse porno flick ever…group sex, S&M, golden showers…and then, halfway through, a dog got in on the action.

Before anyone could blink an eye, the dog has had sex with all the women, in every orifice; and most of the men. Embarrassed, Jerry turned to the old couple and whispered, “I’m only here for the music.”

The woman turned to Jerry and whispered back, “That’s okay, we’re just here to see our dog.”