Dud Jokes

This cowboy wants to go into the calf business but needed a bull to get things started. He calls up his banker and the banker floats him a loan. Around 6 weeks later, the banker calls the cowboy back and asks him how the bull is performing. Well the cowboy replies that the bull could be a dud and the banker told him to get the vet out there pronto to see if he could the bull to start producing.…

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This guy decides to go ice fishing one day, so he gets up at 2am to have an early start. When he arrives, he gets out his saw and begins carving away at the ice when all of a sudden he hears an echoing voice, “There are no fish under the ice there.” The dude freaks out looks around but sees no one. So he waits a few minutes then decides there is no one around and keeps carving. A…

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It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, “Hey Sweetheart, how’d you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?” Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like Pure Almond Joy! I couldn’t help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to…

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Some dude is in the jungle on a safari, while photographing birds he loses track of his group, and suddenly he stands in front of a native tribe. He says to himself, “Now I?m in really deep shit!” Suddenly, for the first time in his life he hears a divine voice from above: “No, You?re not. Do you see that big rock in front of you?” “Y-yes!” the man says. The voice booms, “Pick it up and throw it in…

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This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day. Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz. skim milk Lunch: 4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast l cup steamed spinach 1 cup herb tea 1 Oreo cookie Mid-Afternoon snack: The rest of Oreos in the package 2 pints Rocky Road ice cream nuts, cherries and whipped cream 1 jar hot fudge sauce Dinner: 2 loaves garlic bread 4 cans or…

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The young dude in the Old West wanted to be the fastest gunfighter alive. Sitting in a saloon one night, he spotted an old graybeard who had the reputation of having been the greatest gunslinger of his day. The kid sidled up to the old man and told him of his dream. The ancient legend looked him up and down and said, “I got a suggestion that’s sure to help.” “Tell me, tell me!” said the newbie. “Tie the bottom…

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A small white guy went into an elevator, when he got in he noticed a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black guy looked down upon the small white guy and said, “7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown.” The small white guy fainted!! The huge black dude picked up the little white guy and brought him to, slapping his face and shaking him. He asked…

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