Dog eat dog Jokes

The Creation of Dog

On the first day of creation, God created the dog. On the second day, God created man to serve the dog. On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) toserve as potential food for the dog. On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the dog. On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve…

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Dog in Heat

This little girl Susie comes home from school and asks her mom if she can take the dog for a walk. Her mom says “No, Rover is in heat!” Susie asks her mom what that means. “Susie go ask your dad!” She goes out to the garage and asks her father the same question. Her father says, “Give me the dog for a moment.” He pours gas on its butt. Then, he tells Susie, “You can take Rover for a…

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Dog Duty

A teacher was taking a station wagon full of nursery children to school when a firetruck zoomed past them. In the front seat of the fire truck was a dalmatian. The children then started to discuss what the dalmation was for. One girl said, “The firemen use the dalmatian to control the crowd of people at the fire scene.” “The dalmatian’s there for good luck,” another girl chimed in. “You’re both wrong!” said a little boy. “The firemen need the…

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Hot Dog

Two foreign men take a trip to the US. During the trip one man says to the other “I hear they eat dogs in this country, maybe we should eat some dogs too so we can fit in” So the two men walk up to a hot dog stand and order two hot dogs. When they recieve them, the first man opens his up, looks inside, and says to his freind “what part did you get!”

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Dog Story

This fellow was sitting at the counter in a truck stop diner eating lunch. He was rather small in stature, bespectacled, and wearing a suit with a bow-tie. On the stool next to him was his dog, an unusually-small, Mexican Chihuahua. He was surrounded by big rough-looking, rough-talking truck drivers, and he was catching a lot of ribbing about his tiny, little dog. He continued in silence eating his lunch. When he finished, he got off his stool, paid his…

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Who has the smartest dog?

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second was an Accountant, the third was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker. To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. “T-Square, do your stuff.” T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. The Accountant said his…

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A dog’s life

Things Dogs Must Try To Remember…. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house. I will not eat the cats’ food, before or after they eat it. I will…

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The Best Weather Forecaster

To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it’s probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog’s fur looks like it’s been rubbed the wrong way, it’s probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it’s probably snowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather like…

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WHERE THE DOG AND CAT CAME FROM

WHERE THE DOG AND CAT CAME FROM A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to “Where do pets come from?” Adam said, “Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every day. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me.” And God said, “No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be…

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Dog Training

Big Dog is showing Little Dog around the block. Sniff, sniff. “Smell that?” asks Big Dog. Sniff, sniff. “Sure do,” says Little Dog. “What is it?” “Fifi’s in heat. Come on, I’ll show you what to do.” So Big Dog shows Little Dog how to hump Fifi. Sniff, sniff. “Smell that?” asks Big Dog. Sniff, sniff. Sure do. What’s that?” asks Little Dog. “Garbage. Come on, I’ll show you what to do.” So Big Dog shows Little Dog how to…

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