Dildo Jokes

Gifts

So this poor dude is talking to this rich dude about what they got their wives for Christmas… the rich dude tells the poor dude: “I bought my wife a diamond ring and a Mercedes Benz.” The poor dude sez: “Why the fuck did you buy two expensive-ass gifts like that?” So the rich dude sez: “Well, if my wife doesn’t like the diamond ring, at least she’ll have a nice car to drive to the store so she can…

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75 Things NEVER To Say To A Man With A Small Penis

1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it’s cute. 3. Stop fingering me. 4. I’m sorry. 5. Who circumcised you? 6. Why don’t we just cuddle? 7. You know they have surgery to fix that. 8. It’s more fun to look at. 9. Make it dance. 10. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that. 11. Can I paint a smiley face on that? 12. It looks like a nightcrawler. 13. Wow, and your feet are so…

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an early x-mas story

Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat. The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube. When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and momma went…

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Salesman’s Day

The dildo salesman walked up to the door of a beautiful white woman and knocked. He showed her the dildos in his case and she purchased a large black one. At the next home he was greeted by a beautiful black woman who, after looking over the dildos in his case, purchased a large white one. At the third door he knocked and a beautiful blonde came to the door. She looked in his case and said, “Oh, I’ll take…

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Suk Mi Pagoda Restauarant Menu

Suk Mi Pagoda Cuntonese Cuisine 6969 Fellatio Blvd. Escondildo, CA 281-6969 (that’s Two ate one, sixty-nine,sixty-nine) OO-La-La-Carte: Cream Sum Yung Guy.. Women love it Cum Drop Soup …. Same as above, but no MSG Suc Sum Tit ….. Chef’s favorite Luncheon Specials: 1. Sum Yung Chick..Sweet and delicious 2. Sum Dum Fuc …Same as #1 but without brains 3. Wong Hong Lo…Chinese sausage with 2 meatballs 4. Suc Mi Pork….Mostly white meat for light eaters 5. Suc Mi Dork….Mostly dark…

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Whole Lotta Yo Mama

SO BIG Yo mama’s so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step. Yo mama’s so big, her belly button’s got an echo. Yo mama’s so big, she can’t wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back. Yo mama’s so big, she rollerskates on busses. Yo mama’s so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers. Yo mama’s so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker. Yo mama’s so big, she uses bowling…

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Bedroom Surprises

A woman has been married to her husband for ten years, and for all those ten years her husband insisted on making love in the dark. No matter how much she asked him, he would never turn the lights on. One night she grew tired of this and turned on the light while they were making love and saw that he was using a dildo. She said, “Honey, is this what you’ve been using all this time? How could you…

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