Dese Jokes

Deserted Island

This guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.” The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat.” The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.” Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and she…

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DESERT HEAT

A cowboy & Indian scout been in the desert for a while. Indian travel on foot & tracked on this mission. Job completed, headed for town. Closer they got, the cowboy thought about how good a cold beer would taste, so he road faster & faster. Tried not to overheat the horse or his Indian companion. When they got to the saloon, the horse was lathered with sweat & heat. No air stirring & worried his horse would die, he…

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DESERT ISLAND

A newfie had been on a desert island for 40 years and had never seen another person. One day a lifeboat came ashore with a beautiful girl in it. She was amazed to find him alive after 40 years and asked him how he had survived. “Well, he said,I ate a lot of nuts, kept myself in shape and dug a lot of clams and ate a lot of clams.” She said, “Clams are good, but have you had sex…

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France’s New PM Sworn In, Immediately Greeted by Protesters Vowing to ‘Die Standing’ for Budget Cuts

Well, that didn’t take long! ? France’s brand-new Prime Minister barely had time to find the coffee machine before being welcomed by the infamous ‘Block Everything’ protests. One Parisian teacher quipped, “Bayrou was ousted, now his policies must be eliminated!” – demanding more funds for schools and hospitals, naturally. But it was unionist Amar Lagha who stole the show, dramatically declaring to Reuters: “This day is a message… that there is no resignation, the fight continues, and a message to…

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Read JokeFrance’s New PM Sworn In, Immediately Greeted by Protesters Vowing to ‘Die Standing’ for Budget Cuts

The 12 days of christmas

Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Ave. Beaver Valley, CO Dec. 14, 1986 My Darling, I went to the door today and the postman delivered a “partridge in a pear tree”. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. You’re an angel. With all my love and devotion, Agnes Miss Agnes McHolstein Dec. 15, 1986 Darling, Today, the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine “Two turtle doves”. I’m delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are…

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Men’s Hopes and Fears During Love Making

Stage 1: Kissing/Light Petting What he hopes you’re thinking: “Oh, I can’t resist: I’m powerless before your seductive ways!” What he’s afraid you’re thinking: “Garlic breath–ewwww!” Stage 2: Undressing What he hopes you’re thinking: “My God, look at the size of that!” What he’s afraid you’re thinking: “My God, look at the size of that!” Stage 3: Foreplay/Oral Sex What he hopes you’re thinking: “I could worship at the altar of your impressive manhood for hours.” What he’s afraid you’re…

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Uncompromising Position

A congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. “If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it. But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I’m for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.”

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A Horny Camel

A man rents a camel to make a trip to an important customer out in the desert. There is only one camel available and it has one little problem, the camel owner tells him. Periodically, this camel will stop and refuse to move until somebody beats it off. The man is desperate, so he decides he will go along with that. He sets off into the desert. Sure as hell, he has to beat off the camel every day for…

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Stranded with an Irishman

Three men are the sole survivors of a shipwreck and become stranded on a desert island. Several years after they land, a bottle washes up on the beach. The first man, an Englishman, grabs the bottle and rubs it – and out pops a genie. “I am the genie of the lamp. I am allowed to grant 3 wishes. Because there are 3 of you, you are allowed 1 wish each.” The Englishman thinks for a bit and says, “I’d…

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40 years together

A man and a woman were married for 40 years. When they first got married the man said, “I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.” In all their 40 years of marriage the woman never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer bottles and $1874 in small bills.…

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