Dead elvis Jokes

Father O’Malley has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been married, and he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So he decides to go to the United States before he is too old to enjoy it. He hops on a plane bound for Nevada. As he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to him and exclaims, “ELVIS!…

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15. Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead. 14. Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap. 13. Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs. 12. Three Words: Daylight Savings Time 11. Can’t enjoy a meal at Burger King without some redneck yelling, “Look Ma! It’s Elvis!” 10. After 45 years of Communist rule, it’s impossible to find clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin. 9. After 100 years of trying,…

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Then: Killer Weed Now: Weed Killer Then: Being caught w/Hustler magazine Now: Being caught BY Hustler magazine Then: The Grateful Dead Now: Dr. Kevorkian Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint Now: Getting a new hip joint Then: Moving to California because it’s cool Now: Moving to California because it’s warm Then: Peace Sign Now: Mercedes Logo Then: OJ, cutting & slashing Now: OJ, cutting & slashing Then: Long hair Now: Longing for hair Then: Acid rock Now: Acid…

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ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION: Procreation without recreation. BOOKCASE: A piece of furniture used in America to house bowling trophies and Elvis collectibles. BULIMIA: Retched excess. CHIC: Considered smart without the deadening implication of intelligence. CLIQUE: A group of insiders who greet outsiders with their backsides; a closed circle of asses. CONSULTANT: A jobless person who shows executives how to work. DENTURES: Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one’s grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music. DNA:…

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