Company time Jokes

Time for a Change

The men of Charlie Company had been in the field for two weeks when the Sarge announces, “I’ve got good news and bad news. First, the good news. Today, we’re going to change our underwear.” The troops start cheering wildly! “Now, the bad news,” continues the Sarge…”Smith, you change with Jones. Andrews, you change with Murphy…”

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Everything is fine in time…

There once was a man named Tom who was going out with a woman named Lorraine. He thought Lorraine was THE one. They had been going out for years and he was thinking of finally proposing. Tom was also the head of a company and one day his personal secretary of many years quit because of family issues. Tom was upset but contacted an agency to find his a suitable replacement. Immediatly they found one, named Clearly, and she was…

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At the Company Picnic….

The wife chewed out her husband at the company picnic awhile back. “Doesn’t it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?” “Not a bit,” the husband replied. “I just tell them I’m filling up the plate for you!”

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Letter of Recommendation

Memo to: the Director Subject: Letter of Recommendation 1> Bob Smith, an assistant programmer, can always be found 2> hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without 3> wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never 4> thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always 5> finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended 6> measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping 7> coffee breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no 8> vanity…

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Read between the lines

John Jones, the head of the company asked his manager to write a detailed employment review describing Bob Smith, one of his programmers. 1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without 3. wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never 4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always 5. finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended 6. measures to complete his work, sometimes…

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Isle of Wight Festival’s Magical Math: Fewer Fans, More Millions!

Isle of Wight Festival’s Magical Math: Fewer Fans, More Millions! ? It seems the organizers have discovered the secret to alchemy, or perhaps just ticket pricing! Despite a noticeable dip in audience numbers, the 2024 festival managed to pull in a whopping £3.4 million in profit. Imagine: fewer queues, more personal space, and yet, the money just kept rolling in! ? A cool £2.6 million of that profit then magically transformed into a dividend for its parent company, which is…

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A New Drug!

From time to time I speak with pharmaceutical sales reps. The other day a Glaxo rep told me of a drug her company has under development. This drug sounds so promising I want to suggest to my friends they consider buying stock in the company. The drug is called “Gingko Viagra,” and its function is to help you remember what the fuck you are doing.

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The World is Populated by Idiots

1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. 2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head. 3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial…

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Is that a spoon in your pocket…

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it as a random thing until our busboy came with water & tableware; he, too, sported a spoon in his breast-pocket. I looked around the room, and all the waiters, waitresses, busboys, etc., had spoons in their pockets. When our waiter returned to take our…

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A Guide to ‘Help Wanted’ Ads

Ever look at the Help Wanted ads and wonder what they REALLY mean? Here is our guide to Job Search Lingo: “Competitive Salary” We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition. “Join our fast-paced company” We have no time to train you. “Casual work atmosphere” We don’t pay enough to expect that you will dress up; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings. “Some overtime required” Some every night and some every weekend. “Duties will vary”…

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