Cock Jokes

Guano-Gate: Rome Woman Banned as Neighbors Drown in ‘Hitchcockian Pigeon Hell’

? Breaking News from the Eternal City! A Rome woman has been officially banned from feeding her feathered friends after neighbours declared their apartment block a literal ‘Hitchcockian pigeon hell.’ Talk about taking ‘going to the birds’ a bit too far! ? Rome’s mayor, no doubt accustomed to dealing with ancient ruins and traffic, has now had to step in to stop the avian apocalypse. Furious residents claimed they were quite literally drowning in feathers and guano (that’s fancy bird…

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Read JokeGuano-Gate: Rome Woman Banned as Neighbors Drown in ‘Hitchcockian Pigeon Hell’

Cock-eyed

Did you here about the Jones baby? He was born without any eye lids, so the doctors decided to use the skin from his circimcision to make him eyelids. The operation went great but they said they would have to wait a couple of weeks to see if was going to be cock-eyed.

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Congratulations

A young couple has been married five years but Debbie has been unable to get pregnant. Then, having missed her menstrual period for a second consecutive month, she visits her doctor who examines her and gives her the good news. “Congratualtions, Debbie,” he smiles, “You’re going to have a baby.” On the bus going home, Debbie is so happy that she is bursting to tell somebody. She glances at the friendly-looking man sitting beside her and says “Excuse me, sir,…

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A-Z on men

1. Men are like department stores…. their clothes should always be half off. 2. Men are like vacations…. they never seem to be long enough. 3. Men are like computers… hard to figure out and never have enough memory. 4. Men are like coolers… load them with beer and you can take them anywhere. 5. Men are like chocolate bars…. sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips. 6. Men are like coffee…. the best ones are rich,…

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Musta been Sex

Two builders were working on the 48th floor of a skyscraper. One turns to the other and says, ” Damn, I gotta take a piss.” The other guy tells him to go ahead. The first guy says,”hell, we’re on the 48th floor. By the time I get to the ground, I’ll have pissed my pants.” The second guy looks around and spots a plank about twelve feet long, and gets an idea. He tells the first guy, “Hey, listen. I’ll…

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Ice Cream for Lil’ Johnny

Ten year old lil’ Johnnie rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, “Put that away, Johnnie. You can’t have ice cream now. It’s too close to supper time. Go outside and play.” Johnnie whimpers and says, “There’s no one to play with.” Trying to placate him, she says, “OK. I’ll play with you. What do you want to play?” “I wanna play…

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Everybody Does It!

ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures. ACTORS do it on cue. ADVERTISERS use the “new, improved” method. AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker. ARCHAEOLOGISTS like it old. ARCHITECTS have great plans. ARTISTS are exhibitionists. ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over. ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus. ATTORNEYS make better motions. AUDITORS like to examine figures. BABYSITTERS charge by the hour. BAILIFFS always come to order. BAKERS knead it daily. BAND MEMBERS play all night. BANKERS do it with interest – penalty for…

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Don’t smash bugs

There was a boy and his Dad were working in his dad’s garden. His son spotted a butterfly; he then very quickly without warning smashed the butterfly. His dad saw this and was very angry. So he told his son that since he didn’t respect the laws of nature he will have to eat butter for a week. A few min. later his son spotted a fruitfly. He then, with out thinking, crushed the fruitfly. His Dad told him he…

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Cat vs. Rooster

A cat goes up to a rooster and says, “I can do anything you can do!” The rooster took the challenge and jumped over a broomstick. The cat jumped over the broomstick and said, “See, I can do anything you can do!” The rooster then went to a tiny brook, jumped/flew across and then asked the cat to do it. The cat ran, jumped, and fell in the water. The rooster had a great laugh as the cat got out…

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Employee Performance Evaluation

EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATION Employee Name _______________ Date of Review __________________ KNOWLEDGE: 1.____ The son-of-a-bitch really knows his shit 2.____ Knows only enough to be dangerous 3.____ Only has half a brain and is dangerous 4.____ Fucking brain damaged. His coffee cup has a higher I.Q. ACCURACY: 1.____ Does excellent work; is not preoccupied with pussy 2.____ Pretty good; only occasionally blows it out his ass 3.____ Has to take his shoes off to count higher than ten 4.____ Couldn’t count…

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Read JokeEmployee Performance Evaluation