Christian god Jokes

A Christian Lion

A thousand years ago in Rome a Christian man was being chased by a lion around an arena. The man cried out to God, “Dear God, please fill this lion with the spirit of Christianity.” Immediately the lion fell to his knees, and prayed, “For what I am about to receive, may the Lord make me truly thankful.”

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Comparative Analysis of World Religious (and other) Philosop

Taoism: Shit Happens Confucianism: Confucius say, “Shit Happens” Buddhism: If Shit Happens, it isn’t really Shit Zen (Rinzai): What is the sound of Shit Happening? Zen (Soto): Shit just Happens Hinduism: This Shit Happened before Sikhism: Leave our Shit alone Jainism: Don’t accidentally swallow flies and Shit Islam: If Shit Happens, it is the will of Allah Nation of Islam: Don’t take no Shit! Hare Krishna: Shit Happens, Shit Happens, Rama Rama *ding ding* Agnosticism: Does Shit Happen? Atheism: No…

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The Athiest & The Bear

An atheist was hunting one day in a deep woods and while spotting a deer he took aim but his gun jammed. Hearing a noise behind him he turned to see a ferocious Grizzly drooling and growling as it approached him. He immediately fell to the ground and re-thinking his beliefs he called out: “GOD, if you exist, please… take this bear away! He then heard a voice from above. “You of all people want my help? You denied me…

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Falwell’s Witch-Bitch to the Pentagon

Rev. Falwell sees news reports that the military allows practicing witches in the Army. Incensed, he calls a top Pentagon general demanding that witchcraft not be tolerated in the military. “Good Christians pray to God for this Country. For all you know, these damn witches are casting Satanic curses.” “Sorry, Reverend…” the General replied, “we just can’t discriminate on the basis of hex!”

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Jewish Problems

A Jewish man was rather upset because he thought that he had brought his son up right, taught him the faith, and given him a good childhood, but his son grew up and became a Christian. He took this problem to his Rabbi, and told him all about it. His Rabbi said, “Funny you should come to me about this. You see, I thought that I had brought up my son correctly. I taught him the faith, and sent him…

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Kid’s Bible Stories

The following statements about the bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (ie bad spelling has been left in.) In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.…

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I believe

There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Everyday, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He thought to himself, “She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn’t she know there isn’t a God?” Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her, saying “Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don’t you know there is no God?” But she kept on praying.…

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Conversion Factor

One day a Jewish son came home from college and told his dad that he had converted to Christianity. His father went to his Rabbi and said, “My son went away for awhile and came back a Christian. What shall I do?” The Rabbi said in reply, “Well, you see, the same thing happened to my son. We shall pray to God and ask what we should do.” So the man and the Rabbi prayed to God. “God, our sons…

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