Car thief Jokes

Thief

Q. Why did the blond steal the cop car? A. Because it had 911 on the side of it and she thought it was a Porsche.

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Don’t Stop that Thief!

A lady was exercising her dog in the park. A scumbag on a bicycle came up behind her and grabbed the carrier bag from her hand. Pedaling furiously into the distance with his prize, he was not aware of the lady rolling on the grass in fits of laughter. Like the good citizen that she was, she had been using the plastic bag to collect her dog’s poop.

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Auto I.D.

Be on the lookout for the following personalities last seen cruising in these automobiles… A Pyromaniac in a Blazer… A barber in a Seville… A seamstress in a Dart… An insurance adjuster in an Acclaim… A construction worker in a Bobcat… A creature in a black Laguna… A theater manager in a Marquis… An astronomer in an Eclipse… An exterminator in a Beetle… A spiritualist in an Aurora… An orator in a Civic… A country singer in a blue Neon……

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Mega Novice #2

A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, “FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F*CK-UP!” For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he’d been about to draw his gun. He couldn’t have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and…

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Do not take what is not yours!!!

This is a true story as told to me by my boss. A woman had just pulled into a mall parking lot and was trying to find a parking spot. She saw another car drive over a cat. Getting out of her car, and feeling sorry for the dead cat, she decided she would get a shopping bag from the nearest store in the mall, to put the dead cat in. Doing so, she then went to find a pay…

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