Car ride Jokes

The Bike Ride

A joke told about my father, Officer Harold Padgett, who was a traffic cop at the time…… George had just gotten a brand new ten speed bike when he got the notion in his head that he was going to ride his new bike across the state. George hopped on his bike and peddled away toward this new adventure. Twenty miles down the road, George is huffing and puffing all the peddling, so he pulls into a gas to take…

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the ride

This drunk walks into a bar and asks the bartender to give him a ride home. The bartender tells the drunk he’d better ask someone else. He walks over to a waitress and asks her for a ride. she agreed to. As they walked out she warned him that she was on her menstrual cycle. The drunk said ” Baby, I don’t care what you’re on just as long as you gimme a ride home.”

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The Crowded Train Ride

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the lower bunk, the man on the top. In the middle of the night the man leans over and says, “I’m sorry to bother you but I’m cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket.” The woman leans out and says in a…

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Car/Sex Song

(to the tune of car innuendo guy) Oh, baby baby baby I wanna check your emissions, Buh buh baby baby baby I wanna grind your transmission. Buh buh baby baby baby, my fuzzy dice are feeling ripe ‘Cause I wanna shove my manly crankshaft up your rusty tailpipe I’m your car innuendo guy, your car innuendo guy Oh, baby baby baby Pump my piston ’til it’s sore Buh buh baby baby baby I wanna slam your back door Buh buh…

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Santa’s Checkride

Santa’s Checkride Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived. In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf’s nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa’s weight and balance calculations…

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He carries it….

A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride’s side and groom’s side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar… So it went: step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached…

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Great to be a Guy

102 REASONS IT’S GREAT TO BE A GUY. 1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 2. Movie nudity is virtually always female. 3. You know stuff about tanks. 4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase. 5. Monday Nite Football. 6. You don’t have to monitor your friends sex lives. 7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. 8. You can open all your own jars. 9. Old friends don’t give you crap if you’ve lost or gained…

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Viagra line (Men’s Version)

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today’s society….. DIRECTRA: a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent. PROJECTRA: men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting…

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Read JokeViagra line (Men’s Version)