Canada Jokes

Canada’s ‘Turbocharge’ Economy Plan: Powered by Nuclear, Mines, and the Strategic Avoidance of Oil Pipelines

Canada’s Liberal government has revealed its master plan to ‘turbocharge’ the nation’s economy – and apparently, that means strapping a nuclear reactor, a bunch of critical mineral mines, and an LNG facility to it! ? This ambitious first wave of national projects aims to propel Canada forward while simultaneously fending off a pesky trade war with the United States. ? Curiously, the unveiled list conspicuously avoids any mention of new oil pipelines, projects that have proven more divisive than a…

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Read JokeCanada’s ‘Turbocharge’ Economy Plan: Powered by Nuclear, Mines, and the Strategic Avoidance of Oil Pipelines

You know you’re from Canada when …

Canadian Funnies You know you’re from Canada when … 1. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup. 2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 3. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas. 4. You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard. 5. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow. 6. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with…

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Read JokeYou know you’re from Canada when …

Scouting in Canada

Dear Mom and Dad, Our scout master told us to write our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it all happened. Oh yes, please call Chad’s mother and tell her he is OK. He can’t write because of the cast. I…

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Read JokeScouting in Canada

Reading the Signs

Friends took their first-grader on a car trip to Canada. To help pass the time, the boy practiced his new reading skills by calling out road signs. He fell asleep just before they entered Quebec. When he awoke, he saw the French highway signs and said in a worried tone, “Daddy, I think I forgot how to read while I was asleep.”

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Read JokeReading the Signs

The Great American-Canadian Debate

A Canadian is having his petit dejeuner (coffee croissants: bread, butter and jam) when an American man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Canadian ignores the American, who, nevertheless, starts a converstion. American: “You Canada folk eat the whole bread?” Canandian: (In a bad mood): “Of course.” American: (After blowing a huge bubble) “We don’t. In the States, we only eat what’s inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell…

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Read JokeThe Great American-Canadian Debate

Hillbilly Ice Fishing

There were two old boys from Alabama who loved to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They’d heard the fishing was really good up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake was nicely frozen over. They went to this bait shop to get the tackle they would need. One of them said, “Oh, and we’re gonna need an ice pick, too.” So they got that and took off. In about two hours, one of…

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Read JokeHillbilly Ice Fishing

Canadian, Osama bin Ladin and Uncle Sam

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama bin Ladin and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. “I will give each of you each one wish, that’s three wishes total,” says the Genie. The Canadian says, “I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada.” With a blink of the Genie’s eye, ‘POOF’…

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Read JokeCanadian, Osama bin Ladin and Uncle Sam

Those Big Canadian Animals

A Scotsman was visiting a friend in the mountains of Canada. The first morning in the cabin, he awoke and stood by the window admiring the scenery. Suddenly, he noticed a huge animal walk by. “Och, whut’s thaaat?” he said. His Canadian friend looked out the window and said, “Oh, that’s a moose.” “Och! If thaaat’s a moose, hoo big are your cats arooond here?”

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Read JokeThose Big Canadian Animals

College Athlete Exam

COLLEGE ENTRANCE EXAM FOR STUDENT ATHLETES Time Limit: 3 WEEKS 1. What language is spoken in France? 2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- Give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. 3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to ____ (a) build a bridge ____ (b) sail the ocean ____ (c) lead an army or ____ (d) WRITE A PLAY 4. What religion is the Pope? (check only…

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Read JokeCollege Athlete Exam

Tricky Old Lady

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, “It’s a lot of money!” After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president’s office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, “$165,000!” and dumped the cash…

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Read JokeTricky Old Lady