Bust Jokes

DALLAS OR BUST!

There’s a blonde sitting on an airplane when a gentleman walks up and says “Excuse me, miss, but you are sitting in my seat.” The blonde responds, “I’m blond, I’m beautiful and I’m going to Dallas!” and remains seated. The guy says, “But you are sitting in MY seat. You need to find your seat.” She once again says, “I’m blond, I’m beautiful and I’m going to Dallas!” and doesn’t budge. The man is perturbed and calls the flight attendant…

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Iran’s President: Tehran’s Thirsty, Sinking, So We’re Just Going to Move the Entire Capital

Iran’s President: Tehran’s Thirsty, Sinking, So We’re Just Going to Move the Entire Capital! Apparently, when your bustling city of 10 million people starts guzzling a quarter of the nation’s water and literally sinking into the ground, there’s only one logical conclusion: pack up the capital and find a new spot! ? President Masoud Pezeshkian claims Iran has ‘no choice’ but to relocate Tehran to the south, citing an epic trifecta of over-expansion, water scarcity, and ground subsidence as the…

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Jaws at 50: Spielberg Admits He Feared Career Doom and Witnessed Epic Barfing

Jaws at 50: Spielberg Admits He Feared Career Doom and Witnessed Epic Barfing. The legendary filmmaker, celebrating a new exhibition in LA, looked back at the chaotic making of his iconic shark flick. Apparently, it wasn’t all smooth sailing… or rather, smooth swimming! ? He confessed to fearing his career was ‘over’ during the notoriously difficult production, which famously involved a perpetually malfunctioning mechanical shark. But wait, there’s more! He also vividly recalled the sheer amount of seasickness on set,…

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Free Advice from Kids

1. Never trust a dog to watch your food. – Patrick, age 10 2. When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” don’t answer him. – Michael, 14 3. Never tell your mom her diet’s not working. – Michael, 14 4. Stay away from prunes. – Randy, 9 5. Never pee on an electric fence. – Robert, 13 6. Don’t squat with your spurs on. – Noronha, 13 7. Don’t pull dad’s finger when he tells…

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The 12 days of christmas

Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Ave. Beaver Valley, CO Dec. 14, 1986 My Darling, I went to the door today and the postman delivered a “partridge in a pear tree”. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. You’re an angel. With all my love and devotion, Agnes Miss Agnes McHolstein Dec. 15, 1986 Darling, Today, the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine “Two turtle doves”. I’m delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are…

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Santa’s Pissed!

‘Twas the night before Christmas, Old Santa was pissed, He cussed out the elves, And threw down his list, “Miserable little pricks, Ungrateful little jerks, I have good mind, To scrap the whole works! I’ve busted my ass, For damn near a year, Instead of ‘Thanks Santa,’ What do I hear? The old lady bitches, ‘Cause I work late at night, The elves want more money, The reindeer all fight. Rudolph got drunk, And goosed all the maids, Donner is…

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Just Shoot Me!

A blonde walks into the emergency room with a bullet embedded in her left hand. When asked by the doctor how she got shot in the hand, the blonde confesses, “I was feeling so depressed that I decided to kill myself. So I took a gun and placed it inside my mouth. Then I changed my mind because I did not want to ruin any expensive dental work. I decided to shoot myself in the heart. But then I just…

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Calculator Joke

Use a calculator for this joke. A doctor says to a woman, “You have a sixty-nine inch bustline. (Type 69) That’s too, too, too large. (Enter 222 after 69.) I’m giving you these pills. You have to take them 5 times a day (Enter 51 after 69222) for the next 8 days. (Multiply 6922251 by 8) Press , then flip the calculator upside-down for the effects of the pills!

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12 Days of Christmas

December 14th Dearest John: I went to the door today and UPS was here with a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. With dearest love and affection, Agnes December 15th Dearest John: Today, UPS brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves? I’m just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. All my love, Agnes December 16th Dear John: Oh, aren’t you the extravagant one! Now…

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