Burger king Jokes

Do’s and Don’t Do’s For Making Friends.

Matt And Lennie’s Do’s and Don’t Do’s… For making friends: DO – Show off your talents. DON’T – Shove a harmonica up your butt and play the national anthem. DO – Tell them about your interest in arts and film. DON’T – Tell them about your vast child porn collection. DO – Share your ideas. DON’T – Share your plan to pull down their pants in public and set their face on fire. DO – Help them with their problems.…

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Blonde’s Cooking Diary

Dear Diary, Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It’s fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said, “Beat 12 eggs separately.” The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. ” Tuesday: Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, “Serve without dressing.” So I didn’t dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper. Wednesday: A good day for rice. Recipe said,…

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ya mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yo mamma — THE LIST YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll…

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When should you retire to Florida

You know you should retire to Florida?. When your wife gives your favorite polyester leisure suit to Goodwill and a teenager shows up at your door wearing it on Halloween night. When you throw away your alarm clock and let your bladder wake you up at 7am every morning. When you mention Pearl Harbor to your Grandson and he says he heard of her didn?t she use to sing with a big band? When you realize that you have underwear…

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50 Fun Things to Do in a Mall

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the fountain. 2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big. 3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack. 4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents. 5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream ‘MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!’ 6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD…

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Diary of a Viagra Housewife

Day 1. Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to reenact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried. Wussy. Day 2. Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He’s impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn’t he tell me something I don’t know! I mean, gimme a break. He’s been dysfunctional for so long that he…

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Top 15 Vampire Complaints

15. Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead. 14. Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap. 13. Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs. 12. Three Words: Daylight Savings Time 11. Can’t enjoy a meal at Burger King without some redneck yelling, “Look Ma! It’s Elvis!” 10. After 45 years of Communist rule, it’s impossible to find clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin. 9. After 100 years of trying,…

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dumb blonde

there was a blonde working at a burger king and everyone made fun of how dumb she is. so one day she decided she will memorize and the state capitals. so she stood up all night memorizing them. the next day they were once again making fun of her. “oh yeah the blonde replied. “i stood up all day and remebered the state capitals. go ahead try me.” so they ask her one question. “what is the capital of Oaklahoma?”…

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