Braille Jokes

Helen Keller cracks

Q.)What did Helen Keller’s parents do when she was bad? A.) They rearranged the furniture! Q.) What did Helen Keller’s parents do when she was really bad? A.) The stomped on her Braille books with golf shoes! Q.) What did Helen Keller’s parents do when she was really really bad? A.) They left the plunger in the toilet! Q.) Why couldn’t Helen Keller drive? A.) She was a woman!

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Theory

If an infinite number of rednecks, riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks, fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world’s great literary works in Braille.

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DEEP THOUGHT BUMPER STICKERS

KEEP HONKING WHILE I RE-LOAD TAXATION WITH REPRESENTATION ISN’T MUCH BETTER MY WIFE SAYS I DON’T LISTEN TO HER. I THINK THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID. YOUR KID MAY BE AN HONOR STUDENT BUT YOU’RE STILL AN IDIOT IF YOU CAN READ THIS, I CAN HIT MY BRAKES AND SUE YOU. IS A GRUNTLED EMPLOYEE THE OPPOSITE OF A DISGRUNTLED EMPLOYEE? WHEN SIGN-PAINTERS GO ON STRIKE, WHO PAINTS THEIR PICKET SIGNS? WHAT ARE PREPARATIONS A THRU G? WHY ARE THERE BRAILLE…

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Why…

Why do you need a drivers license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? How does the…

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Armageddon Virus Alert!

If you receive and e-mail with a subject line of “Armageddon”, delete it immediately without ever reading it. This is the most dangerous e-mail virus the earth has ever seen. It will re-write your hard drive in Braille. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and low-fat milk curdles. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit…

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Lingerie Purchase

The modest young lass had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she might have the sentence, “If you can read this you’re too damn close!” embroidered on her panties and bra. “Yes madame,” said the helpful clerk. “I’m quite certian that could be done. Would you prefer block or script letters?” “Braille,” she replied.

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woman bashing

How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb? None. They let the bitch do it after she finishes the dishes. How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch. Why do men fart more than women? Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure. Why did God give men penises? So we’d always have at least one way to shut a…

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Important Questions to Ponder

If Con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? If you’re born again, do you have two bellybuttons?…

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wacky thoughts

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him – Is he still wrong? If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Is there another word for synonym? Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice?” When you open a bag of cotton balls,…

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