Bomb Jokes

Two drunks, Hawthorne and Woods, wake up one morning. Woods says, “How the hell are we gonna get drunk today? All I’ve got is forty cents.” Hawthorne says, “Gimme the money, I’ve got an idea.” He goes into a deli, comes out with a hot dog and says, “Come on. Let’s go to the bar.” When they get to the bar, Hawthorne pulls down Woods’ zipper, sticks in the hot dog, and pulls the zipper up tight enough to hold…

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Three men die and they all go up to the pearly gates, Saint Peter is waiting for them and he says to the first one, “What did you do when you were on earth?” The man said, “I was a carpenter.” Peter said, “That’s fine, come on in.” He then asked the next man the same question, to which the man replied, “I was a plumber.” So Peter let him in also. Finally he came to the last man and…

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You might be a redneck if …. 1. You have a complete set of salad bowls that say “cool whip” on the side . 2. If the biggest city you have ever been to is wal-mart . 3. If you thought the unibomber was a wrestler . 4. If you use you ironing table as a buffet table . 5. If your neighbor thinks you’re a cop because you come home in a cop car every day . 6. If…

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When I lived in a dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights–dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the Resident Assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door’s edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the…

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