Blind man Jokes - page 2

Love is Blind?

Question: “What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a Playboy centerfold?” Answer: “Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him!

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Fish Market

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit. He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts. Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, “Hello ladies!”

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Irish Quiz Answers

Some classic answers from Irish radio Just-a-minute quiz. Actual answers given to the bould Larry Gogan (Irish Radio Presenter). 1) Something a blind man might use? A Sword 2) A Song with the word Moon in the title? Blue Suede Moon 3) Name the Capital of France? F 4) Name a bird with a long neck? Naomi Campbell 5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? A burglar 6) Where is the Taj Mahal? Opposite the Dental Hospital…

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The Pilot and the Dog

This is supposedly a TRUE story: On a San Francisco to LA shuttle flight, there was a 45 minute delay and all on-board passengers were “ticked”. Without warning, the plane made a stop in Sacramento. A flight attendant informed the passengers of the delay, and invited folks to exit the aircraft if they wished, advising that they should return in 30 minutes. All exited, except for one man who was blind and traveling with his guide dog, who was resting…

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The matzoh joke

A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A rabbi walks over, sits down next to the blind man and hands him a piece of matzoh. A couple of minutes go by, and the blind man says, “Who wrote this shit?!”

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Nuns

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. “Who is it?” calls one of the…

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Profession definitions

An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain) An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today. A statistician is someone who is…

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Matzo

A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park. He sat down on a bench and began eating. A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him. Feeling neighborly, the Jew passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man. The blind man handled the matzo for a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, “Who wrote this shit?

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